Fallout Vault 69

I’ve spent a lot of time playing Fallout. I consider myself a huge fan of the franchise. Personally, I loved New Vegas the most, but all of the games had something to offer. The newer titles were so influential that even Shadman himself can’t help himself but draw vault chicks every now and again. For some reason, the concept of being stuck in an underground vault with the ever-present fear of enclosed spaces gets people really hot and bothered. I never really found Fallout to be arousing, but the rule 34 renditions are all slamming. So as you can imagine, I was pumped to play Fallout Vault 69.

Some backstory for the uninitiated: Vault 69 is actually a thing inside the Fallout universe. This might be a bit of a spoiler, but the latest Fallout game came out years ago, so don’t blame me. The vaults in this game have been revealed to be intricate social experiments, rather than survival bunkers. Yes, they were also intended to keep people alive, but more importantly, they were potential experiments, and the denizens of the vaults were carefully selected by Vault-Tec so that they could study human behavior under specific circumstances.

The Original Vault 69

There were many crazy vaults throughout the games, many of which you could explore yourself. But, no vault has ever caught my attention and interest as much as Vault 69. This vault, which is never actually shown in-game, is supposedly an experiment to see what happens when one man is locked up with 999 women. That’s the whole premise of the experiment. There’s no forced danger or additional experiments being run. It’s literally just one dude being thrown in with a bunch of women, to see how shit would play out. I can tell you exactly what would happen if I was that dude. I’d have every single bangable chick taking my dick on the daily during the first week. Then, I’d just have to figure out where the bar is so I can hide out while I don’t want to talk to them.

Time for some bad news, though. This game is called Vault 69, sure, but it has diddly squat to do with the original Vault 69 from the games. One of the first things I noticed while playing this porn parody was that there were other dudes around. That immediately killed my excitement. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lot of fucking to be done with a lot of chicks, but I’d much rather have the promise of 999 chicks than whatever this is. Either way, I managed to put my expectations aside long enough to try this game for myself and see what the deal is.

Summertime Saga: Underground Edition

I say this with zero criticism in my voice; this game is extremely similar to Summertime Saga. I checked, and the officially listed developer is not affiliated with that team, from what I can tell. Either way, the inspirations are clearly there, across the board. You are on a three-part day and night cycle; you have a home in which you can rest to get to the next day, and you’re not being rushed to get anything done on time. I mean, you have different tasks that will inevitably lead to having sex with some random hot bitch, but they don’t expire. You can pursue them any way you want to.

Then there’s also the UI and general layout of the open world. You can see the entire vault from above and click on any of the places you want to go to. When you mouse over them, they’re highlighted. When you click them, you just appear where you want to go, like fast travel. All of these things are wonderful, but they’re also word-for-word how Summertime Saga works. I guess I should be grateful that that game was so influential that other people are drawing inspiration for proper game design from it.

Great Art Style

Continuing the list of similarities to Summertime Saga, this game has the same super-arousing art style in which all the chicks are boner-inducing long before they take their clothes off. You know that you want to fuck them, before you have to put in the work. I love it. Even your female family members look extremely bang-worthy, and I don’t know whether their pussy is on the table, but I fucking hope so. I’m not one to skirt chase around the house, but this is a vault, so all bets are off.

Where the hell else am I gonna get pussy? The pussy store? The pussy store is closed, and it’s also out in the wasteland where I’m not allowed to go. So, you can be damn sure that I’m gonna try to fuck every eligible woman in this place.

An Unfinished Title

Speaking of the wasteland being closed off, whenever I try to click on what I assume is the exit, it says that this part of the game is still in development, so I’m guessing they’re still working on the outside world. Plus, there’s a ton more to be done within the actual vault. There isn’t nearly enough action for me as it currently stands.

Luckily, what they have so far works great, so I have high hopes for the future. The smut is very satisfying, though it takes a while to get to. The game really likes pushing the gameplay aspects of it by having you do mundane mini-games. Summertime Saga only did this with one stat and one mini-game. Everything else was all about the pussy. Although, the money-making was annoying. But, in this game, there aren’t a hundred chicks to unlock, so it’s a bit annoying having to bend over backwards to unlock the sex scenes. Either way, the game is in development, so who knows what the future holds.

Personally, I think they kneecapped themselves in terms of marketing and exposure by calling the game Fallout Vault 69. That drowns their SEO, I mean, you can’t fucking find this game through a search engine unless you know exactly what you’re looking for. Finding the Patreon was a fucking nightmare. That shouldn’t be hard. The Patreon should be sticking out like a sore thumb, if they want to be found and get pledges.

The Rest of the Game

Your playable character is a standard porn game nobody of young adult age. I think he’s 18. He’s also perfectly forgettable, and nothing about him really stands out except his dick, at times. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I like these kinds of protagonists. I don’t play the game to get to know him; I am here for the pussy. He could be invisible for all I care, and he’d still be perfect.

There’s some funny writing throughout the game that really helps your excitement as you play through the non-smutty parts of the game. Your character has a lot of opportunity to be a bit of a dick-bag, and I love that. Insulting humor will never be lost on me, and neither will sarcasm. My favorite part of the game by far has to be this short interaction with the lady that guards the gym entrance.

If you want to enter the gym, you have to talk to her and get her "ok". However, she’s busy stuffing her face with sweets and being an all-around bitch. You can be nice to her, but I have no idea what that might look like because I went for the mean dialogue choice and I regret nothing. I’ll try to quote it verbatim from memory. It was something like: “You spend every day a few meters away from the gym, and it hasn’t occurred to you once to actually go in and exercise. Instead, you stand out here stuffing your face, and you wonder why guys don’t want to come anywhere near you.”

That shit had me in tears. And don’t worry, she absolutely had it coming. She was an absolute cunt throughout the conversation for literally no reason. Either way, you don’t get on her good side, no matter what you say. She still wants you to fetch her sweets if you want her to cooperate. I found it particularly satisfying that being mean to her actually gives you positive karma points. I don’t know how this karma system works, but it’s easily better than what you get in the actual Fallout.

I’m very much looking forward to future patches for this game, especially if they add more women. As for the vault aspect of it, I personally don’t care much. It’s more of a setting than a feature. Now, if this were the actual Vault 69, with the 999 bitches, we’d be having a different conversation