Orange Trainer

When I first read the title of this game and looked it up, I thought that it was some kind of joke. A lot of websites describe this game as a parody. Seeing as how it’s clearly some sort of homage to Akabur’s Witch Trainer, I thought it was parodying that game. I also saw a screenshot that showed Star Wars’s Ahsoka Tano with the actual body of an orange. I thought this would be a game in which you sexually explore … oranges. I won’t lie, I was kinda looking forward to it. It’s my kind of humor.

But alas, it turns out they meant they were parodying Star Wars. In other words, this is an actual trainer game. You train a bitch; you get stronger, you pursue the story and shit just sort of works out for you. I gotta say, I love this format of porn gaming, and I thank Akabur for introducing this concept to the world. At first, I thought he’d be angry that so many people are copying his style, but it’s been many years, and if anything, it seems he’s taking it as a compliment. Either way, we’ve got countless trainer games thanks to him, and today we’re looking at a Star Wars themed one.

Orange Girls Have More Fun

In our world, orange skin reminds us of weird politicians and people that spend a bit too many hours inside tanning beds. In the Star Wars universe, orange skin is a common sight as the people of the Togruta race are everywhere, and they’re fucking orange. They also got these weird-ass tentacles on their heads instead of hair. I’m not honestly sure if these are hats or some kind of appendages, but who the hell cares. Togruta’s have the same quality tits we’re used to seeing on human women, but in orange. That’s what I choose to focus on.

By the way, this is going to be a very nerdy review. It is Star Wars we’re talking about after all. Normally, I stay away from nerd shit, and I’m not one of those people that likes to collect merchandise and get into arguments about the franchise. I do, however, very much like the whole lightsaber fighting and force powers shtick, so this game was a natural fit for me. Plus, I really liked the RPG games that took place in the old republic. Those were hands down the best Star Wars games. Anyways, back to the orange pussy.

A Tough Nut to Crack

Ahsoka is the main bitch in this game, like Hermione was in the original Witch Trainer. She’s opinionated, difficult, and extremely off-putting, at first. The whole point of the game is to slowly whittle her down until she’s a cock hungry slut. Except, in this game, your main bitch has further reason to mistrust you and act like a bitch. She’s a Jedi, meaning she considers herself to be something of a hero. Plus, she’s super loyal to the Republic, and she’s very concerned about the political state of affairs.

In real life, she’d be a real catch, real long term relationship material. In a porn game, she’s a fucking drag, and she gets on your nerves a lot. She’s not my idea of a compliant sex slave. Anyways, that just adds to the difficulty and the challenge. She’s also constantly going on and fucking on about how you’re surrounded by the dark side. In other words, she’s convinced you’re evil, and there’s no way to dissuade her. Most of the early game dialogue is you trying to convince her that you are, in fact, an amnesiac and not an evil sith lord. In other words, you’re trying to get her to understand that you don’t give two shits about politics; you just want to get laid.

World’s Worst Sith Lord

As far as sith lords go, we’ve seen a lot of really good ones throughout the Star Wars franchise. Some have been bloodthirsty murderers; others have been military geniuses that have single-handedly taken over the universe. Every sith lord is different, but they’re all formidable in their own way. They’re terrifying, powerful and they know what they’re doing. They’ve always got a plan.

Then, there’s you in this game. While you do have some mild amnesia regarding recent events, you remember most of your life, and it’s … well, it’s very vanilla, for a sith lord I mean. It’s not entirely clear at the start whether you actually have some darker past or not, but overall it seems you’re just a random ass smuggler. You’re basically Han Solo, minus the charisma and with a lot more focus on getting pussy.

You’re opportunistic, you like getting paid, and you dislike long drawn out conversations. In other words, you’re the perfect protagonist for a porn game. Now, this game isn’t technically just a porn game, there’s a lot of story thrown in there, and it’s all really fun, because it appeals to the alpha male inside us all. You awaken onboard a space station that you soon learn is a decommissioned war forge. The purpose of this station is to create warships and weapons of mass destruction.

You don’t remember how you got there, but you quickly meet a drone named J4-S-0N, whom you dub Jason, because that’s fucking easier to remember. He explains the situation to you and mentions the Jedi they’ve got imprisoned. Apparently, she freaked out over your presence, and they had to put her behind bars in order to protect you, themselves, and her, from all that destructive rage. That’s not exactly Jedi behavior, but even alien Jedi women are unreasonable. It’s just a fact of life.

Jason, the Drone

This guy’s pretty funny for a porn game character. I found him to be very likable. He just sort of drops all and any information on you, provided you ask. He’s also generally very chill. He tells you all about the station and how it was technically destroyed a really long time ago. Most of the place is blown to hell, and he and the rest of the maintenance drones are trying to restore it, for no reason other than they have nothing better to do. When he tells you that the station has no official owners or operators, you ask if you can have it.

He just says yes. Yup, you literally get your own war forge space station by calling dibs. Your opportunistic character kicks in, and you figure that this can be your new life. You can restore the station to its former glory, sell weapons to the highest bidders, and explore Ahsoka’s sexuality on your down time.

Jason will, of course, be along every step of the way to help you in any way he can, again, because he has nothing better to do. I like these kinds of sidekicks in games that just sort of go along with whatever you feel like doing, because they flat out don’t care one way or the other.

Getting Stronger

When you first awaken at the station, the whole damn place is useless. Most of it is completely inaccessible, because it’s been blown to shreds. If you want to make use of the entire station, you’ll have to work hard to get your hands on resources to restore it. Jason and the rest of the drones will do the heavy lifting, but you have to venture into the universe to get the actual resources. For the most part, you need fuel. It’s kind of like an in-game currency that’s used for most station improvements.

Once you get through the introduction, which is arguably very short, you’re free to explore the local galaxy at your leisure. A lot of locations from the Star Wars franchise can be found on your map, and you pretty much just click on them and go there. You’re free to explore at your own pace and talk to NPCs about the various supplies you’re going to need.

There’s some sexy action along the way, but for the most part, you’re just trying to become more powerful, and in the Star Wars universe, much like in real life, money is power.

The Smut

Finally, the important part. Ahsoka starts off very stubborn, but after telling her, over and over again, that you’re not a sith lord, she eventually stops being irrational and lets you get to work. You befriend her, with the promise that she’ll be free to go when the station has been restored to full power.

She never really considers herself your friend, but you know how these trainer games work. At first, you get her to understand how sucking your dick works in her favor. Pretty soon, she’s taking her clothes off for you at will and bending over like it’s her new way of life.

The smut in this game is drawn really fucking well, in true trainer fashion, and every single bit of it is enjoyable. Combine that with the open-world gameplay and the short and entertaining dialogue, and you’ve got yourself an amazing Star Wars porn game.