Star Channel 34

If I’m not reviewing an Akabur game, then it’s got to be an Akabur inspired game. This guy has been shaping the online porn game scene since Princess Trainer, to the point that everyone wants to be Akabur 2.0. But, everyone respects him, and the general vibe is that his art and the game format that he pioneered are the best ways to tell a linear story about breaking down a girl psychologically and turning her into the ultimate sex slave.

Today, we’re actually talking about an Akabur title. I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. It’s not that he’s inactive or anything; he’s actually made twice as many games as your average porn game producer. It’s that there are so many Akabur-like games out there that it’s rare to find one that was made by the actual master himself.

Today we’re tuning into Star Channel 34, which is probably Akabur’s most ambitious title to date. It takes the best parts of all of his other games and condenses them into one experience. I’m absolutely blown away by his originality and his tendency to give the public what they want. His other games are responsible for some of my best late-night faps, and Star Channel 34 just made everything even better.

The Best of All Worlds

Between Jasmine, Hermione, Lara Croft, and April, Akabur’s worked with a lot of sexy talent in previous games. It was only natural that he brings all of them together, eventually, and that’s exactly what Star Channel 34 is all about. You finally get to have them all under one wing. The setting makes this possible by being completely ridiculous, and I love it. You’re basically running an inter-galactic porn ring. You broadcast your porn to pervy dudes across space, and your girls are your talent.

You still get the standard Akabur gameplay of progressively increasing smut, so it always feels rewarding to play this game. You want to mix and match these girls as much as possible and unlock new scenes, all of which come with that expected high standard of quality. I like the concept of bringing together girls from different universes, literally, to one place for the purpose of having sex and literally nothing else. It’s kind of like the interactive smut version of my imagination. The sky’s the limit.

The Art Style

It’s Akabur, so you’d think it goes without saying, but this game’s art is on fleek. It’s absolutely perfect in every conceivable way. All the assets from the previous games make some appearance here, but they all got a bit of a revamp and a bunch of new animations. I like that instead of starting from scratch, Akabur knew that we would love to see the girls make a return in their original form.

But, he, of course, had to take it a step further, and that’s why we have additional art of the girls in a more chibi-infused tone. They’re cuter than usual. In Witch and Princess Trainer, Jasmine and Hermione were always very strictly mature looking. They were drawn in a realistic way without a lot of fantastical embellishment, unless you count giant tits and you shouldn’t. Giant tits are a work of art and a work of nature.

Still, there are some cute animations that you see in this game with some added polish. I mean that literally; the cute animations look polished. They’re shiny and more rounded than usual, giving that chibi vibe I mentioned. But, don’t you worry, you still get a lot of mature artwork as well.

The chibi style is reserved for certain parts of the menu, like when you choose your actresses for a specific porn production. The rest of it is still drawn in high quality, realistic cartoon style with proper proportions.

Conversations with Women

Talking to women is hands down the worst part of my day to day. I like to think of it as the part that comes before the fucking, and naturally, I try to minimize it as much as possible. If I have to listen to a woman talk for more than 10 minutes at a time, I start to get restless leg syndrome. Plus, I kind of want to walk away. That’s not what I came for. If she’s still wearing clothes 10 minutes in, I must have done something wrong, and she’s probably about to start talking about her feelings. That’s a red flag.

In expert fashion, Akabur turns this trope on its head and says: “No, you shall talk to women, and you shall like it! And, they’re going to say nice things for once, like fuck me and fuck me harder”. I appreciate Akabur for making the worst part of interacting with women one of the funnest parts of this game.

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. There’s a part in the story of this game where Jasmine complains about you having made her fuck a parrot. And, just as you think that you’re going to have to 180 your way out of there so you can 69 someone else who is less annoying, she says that she’d rather fuck a horse or a tiger. Apparently, that’s a lot more satisfying. Now, I’d rather fuck her myself, but a girl who’s that kinky is ok in my book.

Then she suggests that you need to make up for it and again you start to think: Maybe she’s going to start pissing me off now. But no, she just wants you to make another girl suffer more embarrassment the next time she’s getting plowed on camera alongside herself. Specifically, she wants Praxis, from Jak and Daxter fame, to wear a kinky and degrading outfit the next time they’re performing together, which would apparently give Jasmine some sort of edge. Personally, I think she’s just horny for some lesbian action, but I’m happy to oblige either way. This brings me to the next best part of this game, the quests.

Space Quests

When Jasmine asks you to get a new kinky outfit for Praxis, this triggers a quest, and you get a new entry in your log. Suddenly, you’re on a mission. This is the kind of gameplay that really makes Star Channel 34 worth your time. You’re not just idly clicking by waiting for shit to happen. The girls give you quests that invariably lead to even more smutty situations. They’re not just sending you on errand runs or asking you to buy them jewelry. It always loops back in on the action.

Without the quests, the game would be a lot more reminiscent of games like Witch Trainer, but the whole point to this game is that it is categorically not Witch Trainer. It’s a mega ensemble sequel with a lot more action. The adventures are longer, funner, and generally more inspiring. Plus, there’s so many quests that you never feel like you’re stuck in a linear storyline. It all flows together nicely, even though the quests are basically randomly thrown at you. I love this kind of gameplay in porn games.

And the Rest

You’ll notice right off the bat that this game has a lot of menus, a lot more than previous Akabur titles. First of all, you’ve got a backlog of everything you’ve had the girls do in the past. No, I’m not talking about the porn productions. That might be your lore-wise purpose in this game, but as the player, you’re a lot more interested in the original smut. It’s one thing to throw a bunch of girls into a roster and hit the play button; it’s another to unlock a contextual sex scene that’s exclusive to a specific girl. That’s what you get with this game.

All the girls have sub-plots that you can pursue as you play your own plot, and you unlock some unique sex scenes that you can then re-watch. And, on top of all that, you also get several menus that let you customize the girls. Yes, including but not limited to their clothing and some kinky accessories.

Plus, all the outfits from the previous games make a comeback along with a ton of new ones to boot. Plus, they’re the kind of hot outfits that make you actually consider dressing your girls rather than just undressing them. Although, if you’re as impatient as me, you’d probably have them running around butt naked as soon as possible. I leave that to you.

The game is entirely free to play, as are all other Akabur titles. It might be a bit hard to find a proper download link as Akabur uses Mega for uploads, and those can sometimes get taken down for no reason, but if you look hard enough, you’ll find the latest release.

The game currently has a total of eight unique chapters out, which is sort of like having eight games packed into one, and he’s already working on the ninth installment. So what are you waiting for? Go make some space porn!