Battle Hentai

I don’t review fighting games on this site nearly as much as I’d like to. It’s no surprise; they’re very rare. Even rarer are good porn fighting games and that’s exactly what you get with BattleHentai. This here game is one of the very few porn brawlers, basically a Mortal Kombat with titties, but it’s actually a good game. I’ve seen this trend in the few fighting games that are out there where the tits are hot, but the gameplay is dogshit. Making fighting games is hard, ok? I haven’t exactly run a survey, but the average porn game is probably a visual novel. Why? Because coding physics is hard and fighting games depend entirely on physics. If your characters handle like 2D paper cutouts that flail at each other wildly and without any real momentum, your game is going to suck, no matter how hot it is.

Well, BattleHentai pulled it off somehow. They hit all the marks. They made a fighting game that is perfectly hot with accurate and engaging physics. It doesn’t exactly give Mortal Kombat a run for its money, but it’s damn close. For a porn game, this is more than enough. When you control your babe and throw punches, you feel the weight of the fist, the power of the thrust and most of all, the game feels fair, while also being very difficult. BattleHentai has all the bells and whistles necessary for a quality porn fighting game and I love it for that. Now, let’s jump into the details, shall we?

Part of a Bigger Network

As far as I can tell, this game is somehow a part of the HentaiKey network, which hasn’t exactly had video games before. I wonder what encouraged them to get involved with gaming. Before BattleHentai, I knew HentaiKey for their tube sites and doujin collections. In other words, they hosted porn videos and comics, mostly imported from Japan. They were a hentai site. BattleHentai is their first try at having actual interactive smut and I gotta say, it’s a great push in the right direction.

Their site was already a great destination for late-night faps and now, with the addition of BattleHentai, it’s also damn entertaining. You will need to make a HentaiKey account to play the game, but as far as I can tell, there’s no need to spend any money to play it. The game does, however, have content that’s locked behind a paywall. Some of this content is cosmetic. The first playable character in the game, for example, has a ton of different outfits, from pajamas to bikinis and even a Christmas outfit. You only get the default outfit in the free version. This is a nice touch. They should be making money off of cosmetics; there’s nothing wrong with that as far as I’m concerned.

Premium Content

On the other hand, I’m kind of annoyed at the fact that the game only lets you play as two out of five playable characters unless you get the premium version. This straight-up affects the gameplay and making me pay money to experience 100% of a free game is kind of shitty. I poked around and discovered that this game is actually funded on Patreon. That’s a bit of an odd decision, considering that the game is very much a part of HentaiKey. I guess they straight up didn’t have the money to fund the game out of pocket.

As for the premium version, I’m not sure how you’re supposed to buy it. It’s not exactly clear. There’s no in-game button that takes you to a payment gateway. On the Patreon, the highest tier, the $19.95 per month tier, to be exact, says that you get a HentaiKey membership. I’m guessing this is what they had in mind when they said premium-only. But, if that’s the case, then that’s $20 a month to play an in-browser game that’s still in alpha and only features 5 playable babes. Seems really steep. That’s literally more expensive than World of Warcraft, a game with millions of dollars’ worth of content, an open world and millions of players.

Hot-Ass Titties

Let’s talk about something a bit more positive, the titties. This game has some high-quality titties, let me tell you. They’re clearly hentai inspired, but they’ve been turned kind of plastic, what with them being 3D and all. I guess you can make the argument that they look damn near identical to those plastic hentai dolls that people purchase online. You know the ones that people buy in order to glaze them with cum and then post pictures of this online. That’s what they look like.

It’s also worth noting that all of the characters in this game have giant breasts that are way too large for their bodies and no, I am not complaining. I like my tits senselessly gigantic. They’re also very perky and suckable, if you’re into plastic hentai dolls, that is. Their bodies are also very slender, no fatties here. The chicks are all-around 10s. I do kind of wish they had more bitches to go around, but the game is in early alpha, so I guess I can’t complain.

The Gameplay

I mentioned that the gameplay was smooth and responsive, now let’s talk details. You pick a character and dive right in. You fight one on one, against another babe from the roster and the first girl to lose all of her HP drops unconscious and loses the fight. Simple, standard fighting rules. But, there’s a twist.

First up, the more HP you lose, the more items of clothing come flying off of your body. This goes for both you and the enemy. Once holes start getting exposed, you’re in trouble. The opponent can use combat moves that pin you down and … well, she can straight up fuck you in the middle of combat with a gigantic dildo. You are more than encouraged to do the same thing to her. So, instead of fatalities or magical Hadoukens, you get the ability to straight-up fuck a bitch dry with a giant dildo, in between punches to the face. This is a very fun and innovative game; let me tell you. I wish other porn games let me straight up shove dildos into girls in the middle of all that annoying talking. If visual novels had a “fuck her in the pussy with a dildo” button, I’d play them a lot more often.

Some Clunky Shit

I called this game fair but hard and I stand by that, but it takes a long fucking time for you to go from annoyed to winning. Right off the bat, from the very first level of the game, you’re going to get beaten into the fucking ground. You are going to taste so much dirt and get bent over so hard that you’ll want to beg for mercy. But alas, the game’s AI is just that powerful. The opponent will straight-up pull all the best moves in the game and it won’t be clear how or why they work, they just will. You will lose HP like it’s going out of style and you will be naked most of the time, on account of all those hits.

On the one hand, yay for naked titties. On the other hand, fuck off, I want to win these fights and progress the story. I want to fight other bitches. Anyways, after fiddling with the controls for about half an hour, I kind of got the hang of the basic combat. I feel less helpless now; I’ll say that much. But, I still don’t know how to do all the special moves. It took me a while to even figure out how to use my cock weapon. But it was worth it in the end. Now I beat down bitches like there’s no tomorrow.

Two-Player Mode

What would a fighting game be without two-player mode, am I right? It’s all about that couch co-op. This game lets you play with your buddies, but only locally. I don’t mind the fact that there’s no online gameplay, but what confuses me is … who would you play this with? Siblings are obviously out of the question as are most other family members. Your bros are also kind of a bad idea. I don’t know about you, but sticking a giant dick up my bro’s digital vagina isn’t my idea of a good time.

So, I guess you could play this game with your girlfriend? But, if you had a girlfriend, you would ideally stick your actual penis into her real vagina, so I’m a bit torn on that one. I don’t know, the coop mode is there regardless, so enjoy it any way you want to.