BrainDanceVR

Brain Dance VR! It was only a matter of time. I’ve seen braindances in Cyberpunk 2077. I didn’t play too much of that game, but I remember the concept very well, even though it was a few years ago. People record parts of their experience with sensors that are built into their heads, then other people can jump in and experience those moments all they want, after the fact. So, I could have recorded myself banging Melody Marks, and sent you the file so you could then relive my memories.

Unfortunately, Musk’s neural link hardware is far from finished, so we have to contend with modern VR standards. Cameras. Lots of cameras. Also, there’s no subject in the scene. No stand-in dude with his VR cock for you to identify as. It’s all just one girl in the middle of a room, surrounded by countless cameras that are recording her in 3D. So far so good. I was very excited to try this shit out. I was sold on the sales pitch alone. 

Starting Off Stiff

As the world’s most important reviewer, I was naturally given a review account, with full access to all the premium content on BrainDanceVR’s platform. There were three full motion experiences and a bunch of static ones. The static ones were older. Let’s talk about them first. It looks to me like the static experiences were the initial proof of concept upon which the rest of BrainDanceVR was built. They started simple. They got a pornstar, sat her down, and took a thousand pictures of her, all at once. 

This resulted in a very high-def 3D model that looks like the real thing. I jumped in, pressed a button and boom – I was standing in front of a naked babe doing yoga. She was frozen in place, of course, but there was a voiceover, presumably done by her, to keep my ears stimulated. As for the actual visual art, well, I could move around her all I wanted. I could stick my head between her legs, I could see if she cleaned her ears that day and I could inspect all of her teeth, to my heart’s content. I didn’t do any of that. I sniffed her pussy and blew a quick load. 

Static Girls are Uncanny

I felt a feeling I’ve never felt before. There was a woman in front of me. She was naked. She was hot. She was …alive, as far as my monkey brain could tell. And yet, she wasn’t moving. She was perfectly preserved in time, like the embodiment of that one Japanese fetish where schoolboys freeze time so they can fiddle with their female colleagues. Those kinds of videos are made by having real women actually stand perfectly still, while a camera and a man with an erect penis fiddle around the room.

BrainDanceVR is different. This girl is actually suspended in time. And, since I’m wearing a VR headset that’s getting on in years, there’s a bit of a vibrating tinge to the visual. It feels like time is passing, especially if I’m moving around. And yet, there she stands, my little leg-spread yoga princess. She’s staring out blankly into space. Like a mannequin or a sex doll that’s too good to be true. I felt equal parts aroused and creeped out. It was awesome.

Breasts in Motion

The animated videos were a significant step up and they were easily the best part of BrainDanceVR. These were, simply put, solo masturbation videos. Softcore porn at its finest. Except, they were recorded by hundreds of cameras at once. All that data was stitched together into a 3D space and boom. I got to stare into a woman’s eyes while she masturbated in front of me, without her actually having to be there. It was way different from conventional VR porn.

That shit uses the same technology for the 3D capture, sure. But, with BrainDanceVR I got to actually move around. And I mean seriously move around. I got to walk around my room. She was on my floor. I could dive right in with my head, stare into her soul, then back out and rush to the corner of my room so I could masturbate from afar like a voyeur. If I wanted to, that is. I didn’t. I just stuck my face in her snatch and blew another load.

Too Short for Comfort

Not the babes. The babes were fine. The videos were short. The static shit was perfect, because it was …static. I could use it for as long as I wanted. I could swap positions and check out different captures. I could have her bent over, or kneeling. My choice. Then, I could walk around for as long as I wanted. Simple. The videos were… different. If I paused them, sure, they were as straightforward, but in motion… I got kind of annoyed.

You see, it takes a lot of bandwidth to keep an entire goddamn 3D scene of real life going, from every angle, in an absurdly high resolution like this. If I can make out every single eyelash on a girl’s face, that means every single eyelash is stored in data, from different angles, perfectly served to me at a rate that feels realistic and smooth. 10GB per experience. That was the download size. Not a big deal, right? Yeah… that’s the problem. I wish there was a lot more to the file sizes, because currently, every single scene lasts around 12 seconds. Then, once it’s done, it automatically plays the next scene, so, the next sexual position, instantly. Why does this suck? Glad you asked.

Interrupted Boneritis

I’m there, between her legs, jacking it. She’s hot. She’s moaning. I’m hot. I’m groaning. We’re living our best lives until the 12 second mark and boom, suddenly, without warning, I’ve been teleported into a different scene. I’m not between her legs anymore. I’m staring at her neck. Why? Fuck me, that’s why. The scene was only 12 seconds long, so … I guess we’re done here. 

Why? Why the fuck wouldn’t they at least try to get some five or ten minutes of footage, uninterrupted? Is it download size? Is that the problem? If that’s the case, then chop up two variants of the same experience and give me the option to download the butchered version if I can’t spare the megabits. I’m paying through my teeth for all these megabits. I got on fiber the second it was invented. I can’t pinch pennies when it comes to porn.

Am I Disappointed?

Eh…I’m moody. I’m a little kid who didn’t get everything he wanted. I got most of what I wanted. Apparently that’s not good enough. Look, BrainDanceVR is extremely cheap for what it is. You pay per experience, meaning per girl. That’s several scenes in one. Well, with the videos that’s several scenes, with the static experiences it’s several shots in one bundle. I think the pricing is perfect. It sets up expectations very accurately.

I’d complain about a misdirect here, but it’s not like they led me to believe they had 30 minute videos. I just assumed they did. It didn’t dawn on me that it would be impossible to have a full length feature film of a babe in this format without breaking an entire hard drive. Seriously, bandwidth is an issue. I’m glad, to be honest. If bandwidth is your issue, then you don’t technically have a problem. You have a waiting game ahead of you. The videos are only going to get better from here and what they already have on offer is more than impressive. I haven’t been this jazzed about new tech for a very long time.

Is This Our Promised Future?

Fuck no, but it’s damn amazing for what it is. Let me spell it out for you as plainly and as simply as I can: Current VR standards suck ass. We haven’t made any headway in VR tech in almost 10 years. The Rift S and the Quest 3 are the same product, with quality differences. No ceilings have been shattered here. BrainDanceVR is not the next new thing in porn tech, it’s the next new thing in current VR standards. Think of it like an amazing video game that’s come out for a last gen console, in a world where next gen consoles are not a thing. 

<strong>Sure, the standard is outdated and kind of silly and I want women to be shoved straight into my fucking neurons, Elon Musk, please, help, but BrainDanceVR are still out here dishing out high quality experiences that feel novel and satisfying</strong>. As for the low overall durations of the videos, well, it’s something you have to contend with for now. Luckily, the Braindance experiences are sold a piece, not as a bundle. So you don’t have to buy shit you don’t want. Plus, it doesn’t cost anything to just download the app and try it out. Oh, and as a post script – yes, this shit works with every PCVR solution, wired and wireless.