Itch.io VR

Oh hello, there you poor fucking baboons. How you’ve been, huh? It is me, your resident sexpert and gamer extraordinaire ThePornDude, with another comprehensive and useful review for you lonely horny idiots. What would your life be without me, huh? I bet it’d be poor and boring as fuck. Like what are you all here for, right? Of course, you are waiting for some awesome reviews like a baby waiting to suck their mommy’s titties, right? Yeah, right, so what I have in store for you all is a review of itch.io site’s VR games. I will focus on VR games for this review, you poor suckers.

Site Design

Let me start off by saying that the site design of itch.io is freaking clean. It is as clean as your dream girl’s white panties, I might say. Once you are on the page, you’ll be surprised by how clean and well put this fucking gaming site is. I mean, for a gaming site, it is pretty neat. The white template just makes this site extra clean.

While you are on the main page, it is like being a kid in a candy store. You know, like it is hard to pick because you want them all. It is hard to choose the games I want to play because the catalog is well put and arranged and they all looked nice. They have a search bar too if you want to be really particular. They have all the tags you can filter your search to. I mean, it has everything you need on the left-hand sidebar. It contains all the tabs from top rated to top sellers and top played. I would say, only top-level sites have this kind of feature.

Well enough of the site design, let me get to the main course, which is the VR games on this site. Itch.io offers a lot of VR games, to be honest. Only one caught my attention, though, and that is FreeClimbVR.

Are you an adrenaline junkie?

FreeClimb VR is the perfect game for you idiot. This game simulates real rock and ice climbing. Yes, that’s right, rock climbing. If you haven’t tried the real one because that is too dangerous for you, but you want to be edgy and want to know how it feels like, then this is the game. This game lets you scale up a very tall wall of rock and ice.

Hey, if you’re a fatty that can’t scale up a freaking wall, then this is the game you can try to know how it feels. Just saying, you know this might inspire you to get off your couch and do some real exercise. Well anyway, this game brings an adrenaline-fueled thrill with a pretty realistic view of ice wall climbing. It kinda reminds me of that scene from Game of Thrones when the free folks scaled up The Wall.

The Gameplay

FreeClimb VR has pretty simple yet solid gameplay. You just gotta hit the ice rocks to scale the wall. I mean, this is already a guide for rock climbing dummies like you. You are equipped with two ice axes, which basically allows you to go up. A key feature in this game though, is you’ve got to hit the blue-colored ice and not the gray and black rocks to scale up.

The game’s goal is pretty easy; you’ve got to reach the top without falling down. Sounds pretty easy, but once you’re in the game and you look down, it kinda looks pretty scary. Well, of course, I wasn’t scared, but I just gave you a heads up if you have acrophobia or fear of heights. Don’t you shit your pants fool if you play this game.

Pros

Off the bat, this is an awesome game. It is best for thrill-seekers and is full of breath-taking views. It is immersive, and you idiots would really feel like you are scaling up a wall. It is pretty hard and all at the start, but you know once you get the hang of it, scaling up becomes easy. To be completely honest, you could speed run this game if you get that good.

Cons

This game is pretty much in its prototype stage. In other words, the developers are still developing this game to make it complete. It contains a lot of bugs at the moment but is still fixable and manageable to play through it.

Channel your inner detective with this awesome escape game

VR Escape Room: Office Escape is a fun interactive game. You idiots would start out trapped in an office with no possible means of escape! The door is locked, and to make things worse, there are no windows, and no one is nearby. You must use your wit if you have any of it, and knowledge if the Gods ever blessed you with it, to solve all the puzzles. Will you beat the clock and escape or succumb to failure?

The Gameplay

VR Escape Room: Office Escape’s gameplay is pretty simple. You’ve got things around you in the office, and you must interact with them so that your poor ass could escape. This game is really fun. Though relatively short, it is one of the more VR interactive games out there. The gameplay experience is great. Your poor ass would be crawling on the floor, moving stuff around the office, and would turn around every now and then trying to look all over the room.

Pros

VR Escape Room: Office Escape is pretty interesting. It is a perfect game to waste your time if you want a quick escape from reality, you poor idiot. I mean, this game is very interactive and very easy to play. On top of that, it is exciting. This game offers what some realities couldn’t. You know what that is, idiot? It is an escape. This game allows you to escape which you couldn’t do in your poor miserable life HAHAHAHA.

Cons

The only thing I didn’t like about this game is that it really is short. There isn’t any context provided at all. I mean, the stakes are kind of low because if I can't escape, nothing happens to me. It would be a lot cooler if there were some kind of stakes in this game. You know like, if I can’t escape on a given time, then a freaking monster would come out and eat me or something.

I admit this game is fun for what it brings, I just like that the developers would improve the gameplay by adding a storyline to this game for it would add another layer to this game.

In for a scare?

Five nights at Freddy’s 4 VR is a fan game featured on this site. It is based on the popular hit Five Nights at Freddy’s game. Pretty much it has the same gameplay, and I know you idiots out there have already played this game, so no need to discuss it that much. The only difference is that this time it’s VR. So the experience is a little surreal compared to the original point and click game.

It is a jump-scare laden game, which in the first place made this such a hit with poor cowardly idiots like you. In my opinion, this is one kind of shit-your pants scared game that is actually good out there. Not to mention, this is a fan-made indie game.

The Gameplay

The gameplay of Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 VR is relatively easy. Though it is different from its point and click predecessor, the idea is pretty much the same, you idiots. You have to survive for 5 nights in order to win the game. You can hide in wardrobes and teleport to doors. Remember, you can wear mascot masks in order to blend in and ward-off any threats. You also have your security cameras if you want to feel safe. I bet cowardly idiots like you piss your pants once any sign of threat surfaces.

Pros

The thing I loved about this game is that it stayed true to the original, which means you fanboys can relax ‘because it’s not entirely a different game though the developer kinda gave his own touch. The background music and the jump scares are still pretty good. The game is free, and you can download it easily.

Cons

The game Five nights at Freddy’s 4 VR is a game you can certainly burn through one afternoon. It is relatively short and you lonely idiots with nothing left to do with your time would be sad about. But anyway, it offers short fun full of scares and tedious tasks perfect for a lonely idiot like you.

Conclusion

Overall, the VR games in itch.io are good games. Considering the fact that these VR games are indie made, they still pack a lot of fun. Most games are supported by most VR handsets out there, so you need not worry about these games not supported on your pricey and expensive oculus.

I really think these games are worth your time idiots. I mean, just do it out of curiosity, and it may surprise the heck out of you cowardly balls. If these games sound amazing to you, then go on and visit itch.io now. Go!