XXXivilization

What makes a great leader? Is it the ability to know when to fight and when to retreat, or does it have more to do with managing vital resources like food, water, and building materials? I’m sure it’s a combination of factors, and a lot of games simulate the struggle by making you juggle a variety of jobs as you build your empire. XXXivilization is one of few that includes a rich and perverted sexual dynamic alongside the battles and resource management.

XXXivilization.com is a free¬¬ X-rated 4X strategy game. For those unfamiliar with the lexicon of the common neckbeard, 4X games are the ones that let you eXplore the land, eXpand your empire, eXploit the resources, and eXterminate your enemies. You know, like Civilization or Free Cities, but with a warning on the first screen saying the game is for adults only. Hundreds of grown-ups are playing every day. I’m a sucker for peer pressure, so let’s check it out.

Like Civilization, but with CG Porn

The game’s difficulty level is set before you start playing. I’m playing on Normal today, but there are Easy and Very Easy modes if you’re new to this type of strategy game. These will significantly lower your enemies’ hit points, or you can choose Hard if you like a challenge while you’re hard. You also get a choice between Metric and Imperial measurements, so Americans don’t get all confused while drinking gallon buckets of Coca Cola.

I checked the box to level up my units automatically when I had the available resources. There’s also a checkbox to enable or disable images. Since this was my first time playing, the option made me even more curious about what kind of porno content was waiting for me inside. I clicked the Continue button to start the game.

On-screen text sets the scene: I’m the leader of a small tribe, and I have the same set of goals as in any strategy game. I’ve got to conquer new lands, build up the capital, promote religion and science and “become a better person”. There will be fights along the way.

It’s our tribe’s traditional method of fighting that separates XXXivilization from other 4X strategy games. We seduce the opponent and fuck them until they pass out. “It has always been this way.”

Be a Stud, a Slut, or a Futanari

Players can Quick Start a game with a random character, but I opted to go through the character creation process. The “blank” slate that pops up initially features a futanari, which is easily swapped for a male, female, or “other” with a few different head styles. It’s still unclear what “other” means since it just keeps the CG nude from whatever gender you chose last.

You get 80 points to spend customizing your dude, chick, shemale, or mystery gender. Sliders let you dial in the perfect breast size and penis length, the sexiest testicle circumference, and most luscious ass girth. Pump those lips full of collagen for the perfect dick-sucking mouth, then tweak those attribute numbers.

Since it’s my first time, I’m investing my points equally across my Charisma, Endurance, Intelligence, and Strength. I left my titty and booty size at default, which was sad enough as it is, but the move left me with just 1 leftover point that I couldn’t spend. The game warned me I was wasting it before I continued, but I was ready to start playing.

Manage Resources, Get Laid Tonight

New players can step through some info pages on the way into the main part of the game. It’s a pretty basic rundown of what the resource icons at the top of the screen represent. You’ll recognize them all if you play 4X games, because it’s all standard shit like Gold, Food, Knowledge, and Energy. The Wood is just wood here, not a metaphor for boners.

The tutorial pages are going to be easy for anyone familiar with the genre. As I was scanning through them, I couldn’t help thinking how much more convenient it would be as an on-screen tutorial during the first level or three. I was really eager to raise my Seduction, Damage, and Stamina points, and to use them to fuck-fight my enemies. I barely read the last few screens because I just wanted to get in there.

Finally, the actual game part of XXXivilization appeared on the screen. It plays out in a 13 by 17 grid of squares that didn’t look right until I adjusted my window size. The land is broken mostly into forest, plains, desert, mountain, and water tiles.

My own territory is a square of 9 tiles in the upper left corner. I’ve got village buildings in one box, and options to build others across my small empire.

The rest of the screen is the wild frontier. Some of it is owned by other empires, including a bandit camp down south. There’s also an old graveyard and a few rainbows that are too far away from my border to click the Conquer button.

Grow Your Village and Your Dick Size

Before I started conquering adjacent squares, I wanted to see what else I could level up first. I took a detour away from the Map, over to the Research, Units, Build Tree, and City screens.

The progress of civilization in XXXivilization is pretty elaborate and well designed. I’m in the early stages of things, so I still have to do a lot of research into the basic fields like Woodworking, Teaching, and Currency before I can start unlocking new structures and recruitable units.

My first actual move in the game was building Animal Husbandry. An in-progress icon appeared in that square, and then I started building a Woodcutter in another square.

As the construction went on, I conquered my first square outside my own territory. A text screen appeared describing the looted, empty houses I found. The next screen showed my spoils: 200 Food, 30 Citizens, and +10 Happiness points for my population.

Legit 4X Strategy and NSFW Goblins

XXXivilization is such a legit 4X strategy game that I forgot about the porn element for a minute. When I progressed the timeline a week so I could get more energy for conquering, the game presented me with a new scenario. A pair of flat-chested girls were bullying one with big tits.

I had a few choices about how to react, but I chose to help the girl with the nice rack. The situation had been presented in text, and I really hoped for some CG nudes for my trouble. Instead, I was rewarded with 30 points of Large Breasts Admiration. I hope it comes in handy later.

A little bit of that 3D T&A I was hoping for appeared a few seconds later. When I tried expanding my territory into another square, a green goblin chick with huge melons appeared. She wanted my fluids for her tribe. My options were to persuade her to share my fluids without violence or make her submit to my will.

I went with the rapey option. A text-only screen appeared, and it turned out she had 100 hit points more than my army. I clicked the Fight button and started enthusiastically licking her pussy for 73 points of damage.

Goblin bitch jiggled her boobs enticingly, but the attack didn’t work. Like much of the game, it plays out in text without graphics to help you fap to the action. XXXivilization described all the aggressive twat tonguing and cunt-diddling we did, round by round over the course of the battle. Eventually, she passed out, and I won some citizens and happiness.

Waste a Bunch of Hours This Morning

This game fucked up my productivity this morning. I got addicted to the gameplay and had to spend a few hours expanding my empire. It gets a little easier as you add some units to your army, and then a little harder as you figure out how to balance the necessary resources to keep them fed and moving ever outward. The whole game is drenched in sex, with all kinds of pervy things happening between rounds and during battles, so I’d pop a semi every few minutes.

XXXivlization is a legit 4X strategy game with strong undercurrents of depravity running the entire way through. The strategic elements are really going to appeal to fans of the genre, and the kinky sex will appeal to the true freaks and general perverts. The game is Patreon-supported and free to play on the web, so give it a shot if you’ve got a few hours to kill and want to do so with a hard dick.