What’s with all of these anime coming out where the girls are actually real-life objects? There’s one where they are food. There’s another where they are blood cells or some shit. It’s fucking crazy. Talk about a weird trend. And you fucks seem to love it. I see kinky hentai of “bread girls” and “blood babes” all over the place. What the fuck timeline am I living in? But, like any trend, there was a beginning. And I think that this all started with “Girls Und Panzer.” It’s an anime where petite babes are actually tanks.
Why am I talking about this? You know, sometimes I don’t even know. But I think I can tie this in. I found a hentai game called Armor Blitz, where you play as a general who is in command of sexy tank girls. Just don’t think about it too much, and you’ll be fine — suspension of disbelief and all of that.
Anyway, the game launched back in November of 2016 by Nutaku.com and has maintained a pretty intense following of you horny gamers since then. It’s been especially since it managed to get a spot on the Google Play Store. And it may be one of the first free-to-play hentai games that I’ve delved into that doesn’t feel like a blatant microtransaction money grab.
Softcore, Erotic Game With a Focus on Narrative and Quirky Storytelling
You can find this game in the in-browser section on Nutaku.com, or you can type in Nutaku.com/games/armor-blitz-online. In case you’re wondering about that “Nutaku.com,” it’s basically Nutaku.net’s sister site for semi-SFW games.
That’s right; unfortunately, this game won’t have tons of hot sex scenes and hentai blowjobs. It’s more about the cute anime experience more than anything. That isn’t to say that its not a sexy game. It’s just that it’s more erotic than some sort of explicit fuck fest. It’s the kind of game that you could take with you on the go without worrying about some bitch getting her tits milked by tentacles popping up on your screen.
The game kicks off with a full-on anime intro with music and animation. That was pretty fucking rad, and the song is a low-key jam. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an erotic game like this one go for that. I dig it. If that won’t draw someone in to give the game a shot, then I don’t know what would. And you get tossed right into the action. You are a general commanding a bunch of hot tank girls against the forces of evil.
Fun, Fast Gameplay That Requires a Decent Amount of Strategy to Progress
You do some tutorial battles, but then the forces of evil zombify your army and send you back to the drawing board. It’s time to build your actual army. You have to choose which busty babe you want to be in charge of the rest, and then you’re off to the actual game! The whole start of the game is fully voice-acted in English. It’s pretty fucking good. But the voice acting starts to disappear the further you get into the story. That was a bit of a bummer. It does crop back up occasionally during cutscenes.
The gameplay is pretty damn fun. You command troops that you can deploy onto the battlefield. These troops have to kill the enemy’s forces and defeat their leader before they defeat yours. It’s straightforward, but there are many different strategies that you can try out and implement as you progress. You’ll waltz through battles for the first few hours, but you will be hard-pressed to get past certain points if you don’t level your tank girls up properly.
Play for Free Without Ever Needing to Dish Out Real-Life Cash
At its core, this game is about balancing resources. You need oil, parts, coins, cores, and more to keep your army functioning. I know what you’re thinking. No, you actually don’t need to invest in microtransactions to make this game playable. You can buy shit that will let you skip tough fights, have faster heals, and some things like that. But this game ultimately relies on your own skill. What a breath of fresh air. I hate playing free-to-play games that make you spend hundreds of bucks just to have a decent experience.
There is a good bit to do in Armor Blitz. You can create new tank girls to add to your army or your reserves. You can upgrade existing tank girls. You can buy perks and consumables to use during battle. You can scout out future battles. And you can dive into the map and go fight to earn money and resources to keep the cycle going. Sounds great, but where are the hot hentai scenes?
The Game Lacks any NSFW Hentai Scenes
That is one thing that this game has very little of. There are some erotic scenes that you can unlock as you go forward, but they are softcore at best. You might get some sexy underboob, or a peek at a plump ass. That’s really it. The game is rated “Teen” on the Google Play Store, so they can’t get away with too much. I imagine it was a bit of a trade-off so that they could get this game on an actual game store. But, surprisingly enough, that fact didn’t ruin the experience for me.
I may not be busting nuts to this game, but I was laughing and having a solid time. The story is fun, quirky, and doesn’t take itself too seriously. As a side note, your army consists of fucking adorable cat soldiers. The cutscenes with those guys are priceless. But, yeah, the game itself is a good time. And sometimes you don’t need to have tits bouncing in your face to make a decent erotic game. I know that may be a tough sell for you sex-starved cucks, but you should give it a shot.
Great Mobile App That Can be Found on the Google Play Store!
If you don’t feel like logging on to your computer to play this game, then you can play it on pretty much any Android device. The game is available for free on the Google Play Store, so you know it will be safe and virus-free. And I liked how the game functioned on mobile. The graphics felt crisper, and animations were more fluid. All of the menus, options, and abilities were available. Playing on a mobile screen was an absolute breeze.
BestPornGame’s Favorite Features
Armor Blitz was a fun game. It may not satisfy you cucks out there who are edging and waiting for a glimpse of hentai pussy to let loose your load, but it’s a good mobile and in-browser game. The storyline is cute, quirky, and genuinely engaging. You don’t get that from many free-to-play games out there. The game has a lot of heart, and you can tell that a lot of work went into making this game something fun to play. Even the microtransactions are kept to a bare minimum.
All of that being said, I wish I could jerk off to this game. I’d love to see them throw up a super explicit version of the game somewhere else. There are some incredibly hot sluts in this game, and it is a damn shame that you don’t get to see them spread their pussy lips for you. That’s my only real complaint, but I guess it’s a pretty big one. I came in hoping for some quality porn to nut to and got blue balled.
BestPornGame’s Final Thoughts
Overall, Armor Blitz is a fantastic free-to-play strategy game. But is it a good porn game? Eh, I’m not so sure about that. It lacks any sort of explicit porn. It’s more like reading an erotic novel during “sex scenes” than it is playing a porn game. If you’re going to check out this title, then temper your expectations. Go fap to some hentai beforehand or something, because you likely won’t be busting any nuts to the content that Armor Blitz has for you. But I do recommend it as a game in general. It’s a fuck ton of fun and has hours of content for you gamers to delve into. And it’s free!
PornGames likes Armor Blitz
- and engaging storyline with likable characters
- The strategy focused gameplay that keeps you invested
- Completely free-to-play with minimal microtransactions
- Great art and voice acting
PornGames hates Armor Blitz
- The game lacks any explicit NSFW hentai scenes