Accidental Woman

Sometimes I review games that are so painfully unique; I feel like I have to roll out a red carpet for them. That’s what we’ve got on the table today, boys and girls. Accidental Woman is one of those porn games that gets under your skin and stays there without having to use any actual nudity to rope you in. Now, you know that if I, Mr. Boob Aficionado, am telling you that a porn game is worth playing even though it has no tits, something weird is going on. I won’t deny it; this is a weird-ass game.

For a video game that is more or less entirely textual, this thing has more menu buttons and options than a fucking tax form. Trust me, I’ve filed taxes before, and while that in itself was a fucking nightmare, this was even complex. The game’s not confusing or anything, and it’s certainly not unnecessarily convoluted, but there are literally hundreds of buttons in this game, and memorizing them is out of the question. You have to read a lot. In fact, 99% of playing this game is all just reading the various buttons and options. But, we’ll get to that. Let’s start at the top.

A Not So Original Story

When I first ran into a story like this one, I thought it was the most original shit I’d ever seen. Then, a year later, every single porn game developer was jumping on the trend like it was going out of style. Basically, what you’ve got here is a standard trope from the porn game writing compendium. You start off as a guy who’s just minding his own business, and after a few short minutes of gameplay, you wake up to realize that you’ve been turned into a woman.

It’s a classic spin on the ancient joke question of what you would do if you were the opposite sex for a day. Me, I’d take pictures of myself, so I can jack off to them when I switch back. But, the character in this game has no guarantee that he’ll ever switch back. For the foreseeable future, he’s stuck in a female body, and he, or I guess she, just has to learn to live with it. In this particular game, you also get a friend to accompany you, so that you feel less lost in this large and scary world.

Your friend just so happens to have something extra in her pants, provided she’s a woman. I started off playing as a guy, who turned into a girl, which also made my friend a woman, who has a penis. I have no idea whether there’s any deeper meaning there, but that’s how the game works, apparently.

So Many Menus

I’ll start with the tutorial for this game, which is arguably the longest and shortest tutorial I’ve ever played in my life. I’ll explain it. If you want to, you can just skip the whole thing and dive right into the gameplay, but this is absolutely not recommended. The game itself basically begs you not do skip anything, because it knows that there are too many menus for you to learn on your own. You need the gradual breakdown of all the features.

Personally, I didn’t have too much trouble figuring out the menus, and I did, in fact, skip the tutorial, because I was angsty to get into the gameplay. As it turns out, you have a ton of menus on the side of the screen, to the left, in the form of an advanced virtual mobile phone. I’ve seen this in other games. In order to increase immersion, they give you a mobile phone that lets you navigate all the important gameplay stats and information, as if it were all an app. It works fine, and it’s easy to navigate as far as I’m concerned.

The game is essentially an open world, unless you count the brief sequences during which you have to do something in order to progress the main story. Like, at the start of the game you have to take your friend out shopping in order to get yourself some female-appropriate clothes. You can’t leave until you’ve gotten a full outfit.

Other than that, the phone menu and the rest of the options essentially let you do whatever the hell you want, and I appreciate that. These kinds of textual games are great when they let you get away with pretty much anything. I mean, you’re roleplaying as a woman in a textual porn game. You might as well be allowed to bang whoever you want, dress any way you want and go anywhere you damn well please. That’s the kind of shit I appreciate seeing in my porn games.

The Graphics

There are two kinds of graphics in this game, and they’re both great. First of all, you’ve got the HUD layout with all the buttons, and it’s all pretty damn well drawn. All the buttons are colored; all the textual breakdowns have little highlights so you can quickly figure out what’s going on, and you’re never really staring at a wall of text.

Even when there’s a lot of exposition on the screen describing what’s going on, it’s highlighted in different colors so that you know what to look for. For instance, if you want to just skip to the shit that you can do in a given situation, you can look for the sentence that looks like a link, and that’ll be an action for you. So, you technically never have to read anything you don’t care about. You can just fast-track to the good stuff.

The other kind of graphics in this game are little images that you get here and there when there’s something important happening. The game is normally entirely textual, but there are moments when the developer slips some actual visual content in. Like, the first time you actually see your best friend naked, towards the beginning of the game, you see an actual drawn chick stretched out on her bed with a giant schlong in her hand. It’s much more fun to actually see this instead of having to read about it. It goes a very long way towards immersing you into the action. Reading about naked bodies is not as arousing as having them jump out of your screen at you.

The Gameplay

There is so much gameplay in this thing I don’t even know where to begin. I mean, it’s an open-world role-playing game with a ton of writing and little images in between. Plus, the game is constantly generating random encounters for you with both men and women. There’s constantly something going on. If you’re bored, you can walk ten paces and find a new opportunity to have fun.

Plus, it’s not all centered around the sex. It can be, if you want it to. Hell, if you wanted, you could whore yourself out six ways to Sunday. Your character could be the ultimate slut if you wanted her to be, and the game won’t fight you on that decision. Sure, it might be a bit too hard to pick up chicks and dudes around the city, considering how desperate you’ll look, but you can do it without too much effort.

However, you have to keep in mind that your character is your responsibility. You don’t want to accidentally destroy her body and mind. If you do that, she’ll eventually lose control, and you’ll lose the game. You want to pace yourself and pursue the kinds of activities that’ll keep your character’s head above water.

Try not to forget that this whole being a woman thing is a new experience to her and that she’s constantly in a state of disbelief, even when everything’s ok. That being said, you’ve got a ton of simulation game inspired activities like being able to go shopping or just flat out going to a bar to mingle and socialize. The game is loaded with things to do, and it never drags you in a specific direction. You can play the game any way you want to.

This is the kind of game I’d recommend to people who liked masterful titles like Degrees of Lewdity. The mix between simple art, tons of UI options, and a lot of text has given the developer ample opportunity to cram this game full of content. There’s just so much content crammed into this game. You won’t get through all of it in one playthrough, I’ll tell you that much. You have every reason to keep replaying this game every time you get bored.

As for playing it one-handed, I don’t see how that would be a problem. All the options are on-screen, and you can play it using your mouse. Plus, sexy action seems to be hiding behind every corner in this game, so you won’t have to play more than a few minutes before running into a sex scene.