The Chronicles Of Lancelot

It’s more of a preview than a review – The Chronicles of Lancelot isn’t out yet. It will be, soon. I’m going off of research and gameplay videos nonetheless. I think I’ve seen enough to cover this shit in detail. It’s promising stuff. I normally bitch and moan when I cover gay games, but when the quality is this far off the charts, I have to show some respect. These guys have made something wonderful, or so they claim. As far as I can tell, the game is a single player open world experience that draws a lot of inspiration from modern RPGs, like the new Baldur’s Gate or The Witcher 3. There’s some mixing and matching in styles, but for the most part they’re going for a fantastical realistic render. The men look like men, if you can believe any man can have a cock that big. It’s all quite beautiful to look at. I just had to … look away from the cocks.

It wasn’t easy, the cocks were massive. More on that later. All in all, I’m seeing a really well planned out release for a game that is sure to be a smash hit when it comes out a few weeks from now. I really appreciate the fact that they’re not going out of their way to oversell the experience. I mean, they straight up say that they’re offering 10 distinct sex scenes in the description of the game. That sounds like a meager number and it is, but that’s good. It means that the first version of the game will actually have 10 distinct sex scenes. If they promised 1000 variations, I’d know they’re full of shit. Developers who tell it like it is are usually developers who actually deliver. And who knows how many updates we’ll get down the line?

Knights of the Round Butthole

The story is just The Knights of the Round Table spun around for gay effect. It’s medieval and inspired by ancient English legends, but the connection is really thin from what I’ve seen. You’re playing as Lancelot; I think and you need to save and or otherwise fuck King Arthur. Again, I’m guessing. Look, I’m going off of a minute long trailer, what do you want from me? From what I can tell, the game is open world and gives you a lot of liberty to explore. The developers are really proud of the fact that they’re giving you reason to reach out and touch cocks at random, throughout the world. There are random encounters and NPCs that have proper written stories behind them. They’re not just decorative. They actually matter and they seem to care.

All the NPCs are male. I didn’t see a single female in the entire trailer and I don’t expect to see any in the actual game once it comes out. It makes sense. It’s a gay game after all. It’s made by men for men. It’s made for men that like other men. Men! It’s good shit. I like quality porn games and gay men deserve to have their magnum opus in that department. Plus, this game is clearly made in some sort of modern game engine like Unity or Unreal. The graphics are way too good for anything less than that.

Manly Turn Based Combat

There’s combat and it seems inspired by Final Fantasy. We’re very much moving away from the aforementioned western RPGs here and I’m not too happy about it. I’m not that mad to see that it’s turn based. Asking the developers to add proper combat physics to an already loaded porn game experience would be overkill and kind of ungrateful of me. I just dislike the layout. It’s that old school sideways turn-based bullshit they used in Final Fantasy 7, you know, the one from over 20 years ago? It’s not cool. It was lame then, it’s lame now. We need a better layout. Hell, the damn South Park game had better role-playing combat controls than this.

That being said, a lot of you are probably going to forgive the combat layout because you’ll be too busy looking forward to the dicking. From what I’ve seen, your enemies are mostly otherworldly beasts who are also male and kind of sexualized, but I don’t know if you’ll get to fuck them or not. I saw a screenshot of a friendly centaur and boy does that scream gay potential. Seriously, they should make it so that you can get fucked by the centaur. It’s not bestiality! It’ s… magic?

Gorgeous Graphics All Around

Between the Knights of the Round Table and the magical elements The Chronicles of Lancelot is shaping up to be a very potent if unoriginal fantastical title that might actually be worth playing even if you’re not a gay dude – though I imagine it would be very difficult. I mean, no pussy? At all? I thought I saw one babe getting dicked in the trailer, but no, that was the twinkiest twink on the roster getting anally probed by a man with a larger toolkit. I’m down with respecting gay sex, but I can’t enjoy it. I have to leave that part to you, I suppose.

Either way, I love what I’m seeing in the sex scenes. They give me the impression that the developers did not half ass a single aspect of the actual sex. All the scenes look unique and they’re framed in fun and fap-worthy ways. I can totally see how my gay bros would enjoy this smut. It’s very well made. It’s polished, it’s enjoyable and it has this very general optimistic air about it. I like the lighting. I know it sounds like nerd commentary, but if this game was covered in annoying fog or a fucking orange tint filter, you’d notice. Clear and neat lighting is best. It helps you see the cocks better.

Minimum Requirements Look Sus

I’m going to take a stab in the dark and guess that this game is going to require something north of a GTX 1060 in order to run, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re actually aiming for the RTX series. Not because those cards are actually necessary, but because it’s difficult to actually optimize these kinds of games properly when you’re a rookie dev. They say that the minimum requirements are a GTX 660. Something smells. Look at the trailer and tell me that you see a GTX 660 handling this shit. Either the trailer is full of shit or the minimum requirements are full of shit. We’ll see soon enough. In the meantime, let’s just give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that the game will at the very least run well on whatever we’ve got.

The requirements also say that you’ll need an internet connection and it’s not entirely clear if they mean you’ll need it to download the game or if it’s required for the actual gameplay. If it’s the latter, then they can go and fuck themselves. I don’t want to be streaming to a server while I’m playing a single player porn game on my PC. It makes no sense. Hell, it’s downright insulting. I’m just going to assume that they made a mistake in how they wrote that down and that the game is all local. 

I Have High Hopes

If half of the things shown in the gameplay trailer are accurate, then The Chronicles of Lancelot is going to be one of the greatest gay games in the history of mankind, two weeks from now when it officially comes out. From what I can tell, the game costs $10 a pop and you can get it directly from the developer. I like that. Fuck third party platforms. I love supporting hard-working devs. 

I should also give mad props to whoever modeled the in-game characters and assets, because this game is fucking gorgeous. I especially love the medieval architecture and the nature around it. I know, lame, but what am I supposed to worship instead? The cocks? They’re gigantic and all up in my face! Oh sure, you’ll enjoy that, but what am I supposed to do!? Look at what I endure for you.

I recommend The Chronicles of Lancelot. I don’t normally do that before a game is officially released, but I really and I mean really like what I’m seeing here. If two weeks from now the game comes out and looks like shit, I’ll end up with egg on my face and I’m ready for that. Let’s at the very least hope that they don’t miss the actual release date. That would be really unforgivable. All in all, The Chronicles of Lancelot is looking promising as fuck and I can’t wait to test it out properly, even if I can’t technically fap to it.