Gay Pornstar Harem

I both love and loathe reviewing this thing. Not because of the gay porn. I’m past that. Gay porn, straight porn, whatever – I’m here to please. GayPornstarHarem is a straight up copy of another game, that is a copy of another game and at this point I have no idea who the fuck is making these things, I haven’t asked. You’d think that I’d have the inside scoop and all that, but I don’t go around digging for porn game background info. Anyways, this game is just a gay, pornstar loaded version of Hentai Harem, or Hentai Heroes or whatever the fuck. They’re all exactly the fucking same. The first one I ever played was anime themed, with a ton of Dragonball and Naruto influences and direct references. It was also straight. Then, there was Gay Harem, which was exactly the same, but you got to fuck the Naruto and Dragonball dudes instead. Now, you get all that, but instead of hentai, you see pictures of gay pornstars. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, the formula is tried and tested, on the other, it feels stale. I mean, if you’ve never played any of these other games then you might find GayPornstarHarem to be a welcome novelty. But I’ve always considered games like these to be a bit of a painful tease. They’re gachas. Plain and simple. And, even though it’s coincidental, the fact that gacha sounds like “gotcha” feels ironic to me, because these games will indeed get you. They’re supposed to reel you in with the promise of smut and satisfy you for about 20 minutes, before they start pounding your wallet, hard. So, if you’re prone to addiction and you like cocks, GayPornstarHarem is a real honeypot. Good luck surviving this.

The Simplest of Gay Love Stories

You start off as an average loser dude who wants to fuck other dudes. You dream of it. You’d fuck them all if you could. It’s a simple start and it works just fine. It’s the same intro I’ve seen in just about every other western themed porn game. In hentai, you’re a loser masturbator student. In western games you’re a loser masturbator programmer, or a gamer. Either way, you’re PC bound. Then, something happens and your world gets turned upside down. In GayPornstarHarem, you get your own personal guardian angel. His name is … Angel. No, I am not joking. He’s gay, hot, young and hung. Seems like a cool guy.

Angel’s whole shtick is that he takes mortals and makes their wishes come true. You’re his mortal now. He’s going to help you satisfy countless dudes, one after the other, and you are very much into the idea. This next part, I found to be genius. The game uses images of actual gay porn for the sex scenes. Except, they’re different dudes every time, so it kills the immersion. Well, to fix that, they wrote into the story that Angel morphs you into the image of the perfect guy for the guy that you’re about to bang. So, when you see two dudes fucking on screen, one of them is you, morphed into that form for a while. It doesn’t matter whether he’s hung, small, black, white, tall, short or fat as shit – it’s you. Temporarily, that’s who you are – the perfect fuck puppet for the guy you’re with.

All Cocks Up for Grabs

The game doesn’t really seem to prioritize any particular fetish or powerplay. I can’t tell whether you’re supposed to be a top, a bottom, a power-bottom, a bear, or a twink. It’s all over the place. At its core it’s just a pointless collection of photos from gay porn movies that were filmed with quality cameras. You’re fapping to a slideshow. Now, I would normally praise porn game developers for this kind of work. They’re making more with less, giving us more reasons to fap. Plus, this shit’s partly interactive and that’s always welcome. I don’t dislike simple porn games. Porn is porn and I love it. No, my problem with GayPornstarHarem is that the whole damn thing is bending over backwards to squeeze you for cash and in return it shows you random photos of dudes bending each other over. I just don’t feel like it’s worth the money.

I mean, think about it this way. You’ve got random disjointed HD gay porn images, which you could easily just look up on your own, or hell, replace all-together with gay porn videos and you could fap to that instead. Oh, but you want the variety? No problem, watch compilation videos. They’re all the rage lately. Whichever part of this game is particularly fap-worthy for you, you could easily get in spades for free elsewhere. That’s why I don’t understand how GayPornstarHarem and the other games with this format are so fucking popular. Seriously, they’re making a killing.

Gachas Hurt my Balls

These games are not bad, by any means. I just feel like you’re not really getting your money’s worth. Plus, the way that they get you to pay up is kind of cringey. You are constantly spending random currencies that you barely even understand or can keep track of, like energy or cash or gold. There’s even a fist currency, that you have 10 out of 10 of. I guess that’s your fisting capacity? I don’t know, man, I was barely paying attention when I played this thing. There were cocks on screen. It’s all a bit overwhelming. What I do know for a fact is that the game is a painful bait and switch.

During the first 5 minutes of the game, you’re basically assaulted by gay porn. You enjoy it, you want to see more, you click ahead. There’s a tutorial format. You have to press a highlighted button, presumably so that you learn how that will work in the future, when you’re done with the intro. But the gravy train runs dry really quickly. Towards the 5-minute mark, depending on how quickly you fap through the intro, you are met with a signup screen. You have to make a Kinkoid account, else you’re not allowed to play on, even though this is a free fucking game.

Worth a Shot

Pro-tip, do not use your main e-mail account for this shit. It’s not shady or anything, I just have every reason to believe that they’ll bombard you with promos. Call it a hunch. They claim to have more than two million players actively fapping to these games and the sad part is I actually believe them. These kinds of freemium games are making an absolute killing. There’s something about their formula that just works. It gets people horny enough to fap, but not horny enough to blow a load. Then, they keep people during that edgy sweet spot so the wallet keeps spreading open. I hate it, and yet, I have to review it and I have to admit that there is something worth fapping to here after all. That’s just how porn games work, I suppose. If Nutaku can get away with doing this shit, why can’t Kinkoid, am I right?

GayPornstarHarem is worth playing, even if you don’t want to pay a single cent. It’s still technically free. Except, you can’t overplay it. You have to take breaks for your bullshit currencies to recharge on their own. My UI here says that I’ll get one point of energy for free about 10 minutes from now. I top off at 56 so… yeah, that’s a long ass time. If I play this game until I’m out of fake currency, I’ll have to abandon it for more than a day in order to come back to it properly. Then again, if you enjoy the game and it saves your progress, there’s no downside. 

My advice? Try it. The free account you have to make is a small price to pay for the experience. Use a secondary e-mail, please, for the love of all that’s holy. Then, fap until you’re blue in the face. If the game gets your juices flowing, there’s your answer – play on. Once the intro is over, you’ll realize that there’s sort of an episodic adventure waiting for you, featuring Angel and your various gay shenanigans. It’s nothing mind-blowing, but it’s still a well written porn game story. It’s certainly better than nothing. 

I wish I had something nicer to say about GayPornstarHarem, because on the surface there’s nothing wrong with it, but games like this, where I can smell the paywall from a mile away, really get me in a lukewarm mood. That’s not a fap-worthy experience. That’s just…marketing.