3D Gay Villa 2

Time for me to do that thing again, when I review shit that I am in no way qualified to talk about. What the hell do I know about gay stuff, am I right? Well, 3D Gay Villa is a porn game, so it very much falls squarely under my domain. I will cover the shit out of this game, whether I like it or not, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. Ok, that’s enough ranting and raving about how straight I am. Let’s get to the actual game, which I’m sure you’ve already heard of.

This game’s been on mine, and everyone else’s radar for years now. From famous and super-successful company ThriXXX, the gay version of their smash hit, 3D Sex Villa. The review to that game and this one are, well, very similar – it’s the same fucking game, but with more cocks and none of the good stuff – you know, pussy. But, I purged my memory of most of that game before I did this review so I could go in a blank sleight. First, the basics. This is a single-player game that lets you role-play as a dude fucking other dudes. It’s the ultimate gay fantasy, I think. There’s no real gameplay other than the actual sucking and fucking, so it’s a real to-the-point kind of experience.

Create-A-Guy

When you first fire up 3D Gay Villa, you’re met with the option to make your own character. This will be the dude with who you will be doing all the gay sex on an army of excited hot dudes. The character creation screen is pretty detailed and lets you do all kinds of wacky stuff. You can customize damn near every part of your character, so you know what that means. Half of the people playing this game will make their character a super-buff, hot-ass dude, and the other half will try their best to make Shrek. I don’t understand the obsession people have with using character creation screens to make Shrek, but it’s definitely a thing.

This is one of those character creators that comes with so many options; you’ll feel like you’re operating a spaceship navigating through it all. Let’s start with something random, like underarm hair. There are four sliders for it. Four. Multiply that across all the other places you can have hair on your body, and you see where I’m going with this. There are more than a hundred sliders, all in all, so you can go to Shrek and back by fiddling with these. You can give your dude man-boobs, a giant cock, a funny face; the sky’s the limit. I would recommend, though, if you intend to fap to this game, just roll with a default preset and maybe choose a haircut for yourself. Hell, bulge out the dick to the biggest size. That should be enough. If you fuck with the sliders too much, your guy’s gonna end up looking like a potato. You know, I know it, so leave the character creation screen alone.

Diving Right In

This game has a few different modes that you can enjoy, and it very quickly rolls out the challenge for you. Firstly, there’s quick mode, that sends you to a random location and pairs you with a random dude. This mode is just put there for fun and doesn’t really progress the game. You’ll want to focus on Free Play and Story Mode. These are where the action lies. So, in 3D Gay Villa, you can’t do shit unless you have coins. It’s kind of like real life in that way. Although, from what I hear, gay dudes don’t really demand that you take them on expensive dates or that you drive a fast car.

They want you to be hot, or at least cute, hygienic, and responsible. If you pass those simple tests, then sex is on the table. 3D Gay Villa takes the more female approach to putting out. Unless you fork over the big money on date nights, gifts, the whole fucking rigmarole, you don’t get the pussy. In this case, you don’t actually take the dudes on dates, but you need to have the coins anyways before you can get to the coitus. See what I did there?

To get coins, you need to play the game. It’s as simple as that. So, you fuck dudes in places so that you can afford to fuck other dudes in other places. Then you do it all-over again. Hopefully, at some point, you also jack off to the smut you’re seeing on screen. All in all, this game is a complete experience. It is a gay boner extravaganza, with fucking and sucking all-over the place.

I really like that they don’t break up the action by having you optimize your character or develop stats. That kind of dumb RPG shit can stay far away from ThriXXX’s amazing video games. They know that people play their games to have virtual sex. I’m not gay, but if I were, I’d like to play a game in which I bang dudes. Or, failing that, I’d probably just want to fuck dudes and get on with my life. Playing a porn game in which I have to do quests in order to get to the smut is not my idea of a good time. I want action. So, if you’re like me and you have a short attention span and a long cock, you should get this game and jack off while you fuck hot virtual dudes.

The Graphics

I’ve read many reviews about this game both on the official site and on third-party review websites, and they’re all riddled with compliments. Now, I’ve been handing out compliments too, but about specific things that I think the game does great. I didn’t, for instance, say that the game looks great. I said that you could make your character hot, but the game engine? I didn’t say dick about the game engine looking good… because it really fucking doesn’t. One of the reviews I read called these visuals “intelligently crafted” or something along those lines. I burst out laughing, because at the same time I had the game running on one screen and the minimum requirements for it listed on another. I have three screens, get over it.

So, let me read the minimum requirements for you, and you’ll probably understand what I’m getting at. If you have a computer with at least an Intel Pentium 4 CPU, at 1.8 GHz, running Windows XP, and 1GB of RAM, you can run 3D Gay Villa. You read that right. This game is optimized for Windows XP. On the one hand, this means that you can dig up a 10-year-old smart fridge, mod it to run 32 bit Windows, and play this game on it flawlessly. On the other hand, it means you’re in for some jagged edges. This game’s graphics are roughly identical to those of The Sims 2. I liked that game. I don’t play that game anymore. You wanna know why? Because it looks like crap compared to modern games.

So, this game’s graphics are firmly cemented in the stone age of computing, and there’s no way to make them look any better than this. However, I’ll give a ton of extra points to the modelers who worked on it, because at the very least, the game makes the most of what it’s got. The models might be outdated, but they’re perfectly polished. The game doesn’t look bad; it just looks old. But, I still take issue with people calling these graphics perfect or whatever. It’s too much praise in the wrong department. Do you want to praise this game? Fine. Praise the fact that it lets you suck an infinite number of cocks. That’s what it’s for, and it does its job very well.

The Customization

The entire shtick that makes 3D Gay Villa playable for long periods of time is the fact that it comes with a ridiculous amount of toys that allow you to customize your experience. I’m talking metal sex toys; I’m talking rubber sex toys, I’m talking weird-ass punishment tools that look like they belong on a workbench. Every single type of sex toy you can think of can be found in this game, and you can unlock it with those coins I mentioned.

And, finally, the money-making part of this game. You can pay for the various toys that you can use on the various boys with real-life currency. I don’t advise that you do this, though, since you can just play the game without spending any extra money. Oh, and speaking of money. This game costs a subscription for some fucking reason. That really gets my goat. Why in the hell would you charge a subscription for a single-player game? I leave it to you guys. Prices vary, so you might as well check out the current price directly on the site. Decide for yourselves whether it’s worth the dollar.