Crisis Point Extinction

Well, you don’t see this every day. This here porn game is a proper full-fledged title with all the bells and whistles of an aspiring indie title. I mean, it has all the shit you’d expect to see in a non-pornographic game, but it’s entirely free and loaded with smut. It’s also one of the very few porn games that I’ve played that’s almost entirely dubbed with proper voice acting. No, I don’t mean that there are a few lines here and there or that the bitches in the game make sex noises. I mean, you have that too, but more to the point, this game has professional voice actors reading out entire fucking monologues that are, surprise surprise, not boring.

The most notable voice actor on the roster seems to be P.M. Seymour, who’s a bit of a legend in the video game voice over scene. He’s also famous for some YouTube series he’s done in the past. The dude’s an all-around legend. He’s also really talented. The difference between good voice acting and professional voice acting is huge, so, to hear this man’s incredible work inside a free porn game is a bit of a wonder for me. Anyways, it’s not just the voice acting that holds this thing together. It’s an all-around great game that defies expectations. So, let’s dig into the finer details.

Outstanding Game Design

If you’ve ever been inside a top of the line flagship racecar, you’ll be familiar with a certain feeling you get when you’re experiencing proper professional craftsmanship. You get the same vibe when you play a truly polished triple-A video game title. In porn games, I’ve kind of given up hope on seeing proper triple-A commitment to game design. Usually, developers are just concerned with stuffing their games with as much hot smut as possible. The game design is barely an afterthought.

This game’s developers have really gone above and beyond in every single design department, and it shows. I mean, I played the game for a few hours, and throughout the entire experience, I felt like I was in good hands. I wasn’t wondering about bugs or the UI or even whether I was going the wrong way. I felt like whoever made this game knew what they were doing, and I could just trust myself and the game and play on.

Take, for example, a basic update on their Patreon from a few weeks ago. They posted that among other things, they’ve added a parallax effect to the water. What this means is that when you move vertically, the water also moves up or down proportionally, to give you the illusion of depth. It’s these kinds of tiny quality of life improvements that take a game from great to unbelievably amazing. If you take all of the high-quality design decisions made in this game and remove the smut, you’d still have a primo platformer waiting to be enjoyed. But, this is a smut game, after all, so let’s talk a bit about the pussy.

Interesting Characters

The very first character you meet in this game is Alicia, the soldier you play as. She’s clearly inspired by Metroid’s Samus Aran, although she wears notably less clothing. She’s likable, in that she shoots everything that moves, and she likes touching herself as much as humanly possible. She’s truly a woman after my own heart. If girls like this existed in real life, I’d actually consider getting married someday. But alas, in our world, women do not become space marines; they become annoying.

Alicia is burdened with the very important task of touching down on a recently discovered planet and checking in with the science team that was sent to investigate. Along the way, it becomes clear that this planet’s absolutely gone to shit, and so has most of the science team. Suffice it to say that there’s a lot of hostile flora and fauna on this planet that can only really be reasoned with blaster-first. That’s why I’m glad to be playing as a chick who has no reservations about using her gun. She’ll shoot everything that moves, and she’ll like it.

One thing I have to mention about Alicia that I found absolutely incredible is the way that she restores health. This is a combat-heavy platformer, so naturally, you get grazed a lot. Well, Alicia’s idea of healing herself is displacing her shirt so that her tits are sticking out and fingering herself right then and there, moaning throughout. This is literally the only way to recover health, and you’re going to be doing it a lot. I love this shit. I could watch her for hours.

A Gripping Story

The developers of this game have mentioned that they’ve taken heavy inspiration from Metroid, dubbing this a true Metroidvania, which is now apparently a genre in its own right. I kind of have to disagree, because I personally hate metroidvanias, but I absolutely loved this game. Also, the game’s story is much better than that of Metroid. That’s my opinion, don’t shoot me.

After discovering the secrets of space travel and setting out into the stars, humanity was struck with a virus that damaged the way that they produce the Y chromosome. Due to this virus, most children born after the infection turned out female. This is an ongoing problem that could put an end to humanity as we know it. That’s exactly why every science team is currently working hard to find a cure. On the planet that you explore in this game, the science team believed that they’d come close to making some conclusive progress, but their efforts were derailed by the planet’s very unique atmosphere.

In short, the planet’s atmosphere makes you crazy, horny, and rapey. If you’re male, this is especially problematic as it basically means you go around raping anything in your way and not giving a shit about damn near anything else. I’m pretty sure the virus doesn’t affect women, but I might have skipped that particular line of dialogue.

So, it’s on Alicia to explore the planet, save as many people from the original science team as possible and shoot aliens in the face, while they try to rape her. Oh, did I not mention? Yeah, as it turns out, it’s not just the atmosphere that’s an absolute rape-fest, it’s the local flora and fauna too. While they try to kill you, local alien monsters will also be trying to rape you. Dying in this game is always preceded by a lengthy rape scene, which Alicia tries her best to enjoy.

Perfect Art Style

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, if you’re trying to sell me on a porn game’s gameplay, settle for an art style that you can actually handle. I don’t want 3D graphics if you can’t put in the man-hours necessary to stuff the game full of sex scenes. Luckily, the team behind Crisis Point: Extinction knew how to bite off the exact amount that they could chew.

The art for this game is retro, but it’s the right kind of retro: low resolution, high colors, and a lot of titties. I guess the art style basically allowed them to spend time putting tits on everything, and that’s exactly the kind of porn game I want to play. Everything is the right amount of hot. Plus, you get a lot of close-ups of the “death” animations during which the aliens fuck Alicia six ways to Sunday. The smut in this game just keeps coming, and there are even a ton of advanced sex scenes that comes as rewards further into the game and during the endings. So, on top of the in-game fucking, you also get a lot of quality sex scenes.

The Voices

You know I always leave the best for last, and in this game, that’s the voice acting. This is easily the best voice acting I’ve ever heard in any porn game, ever. End of story. These actors are professionals, and they get the job done. It’s no wonder they’re getting paid. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that the dialogue is really well written, and it sounds like they actually care about what they’re talking about.

Seriously, if I had to read this shit out, it wouldn’t have had nearly the same effect that it did. Hearing a couple of people really scared and really committed helps get me in a serious mood about the story. Add to that the fact that your character is very likable, and she’s constantly masturbating, and it’s no wonder that this game is so successful. This right here is exactly the kind of porn game I’d recommend.