Unholy Distaster

Yo, I’m back, you filthy animals! This time around, I have something new for you horndogs out there: Unholy Disaster. Or, if you want the official name, UnHolY DisAsTeR. Because we’re what? Millennials.

This game may be the first game in a long time that I was truly excited about. Not in the exciting way when I got first devirginized, but it a totally “oh, a cute and sexy game!” way. You didn’t think I’d have it in me to describe things as cute, didn’t you? Well, think again, bloated bastards. So did it live up to the fucking hype? Let’s find out.

For the purposes of this review, I won’t try to type the game’s name by how it should be typed, because a) fuck that b) who types that way and c) it’s my review, and you’re just reading it. So deal with it. If you have a problem, go wank yourself elsewhere.

Let’s get on with it: All in all, what I can tell you fucktards is that Unholy Disaster is the game you should be playing when you want great gameplay with side action.

Yep, you read that right. It’s not the game you’ll want to be invested about. It’s the type of game that you play because why not? Bored and got one hour to space? How about a little Unholy Disaster, huh? You’ll be entertained. Plus, you’ll orgasm, too. Prepare your tissues, because there’s going to be fondling in gameplay and real life. But please, don’t play this game butt-naked in your room. Have some fucking respect.

The creators of this game made it sure that the incels and horny thirteen-year-olds who are going to be playing this game will have a good time playing it and playing with themselves, too, because Clementine is the bomb! Bomb, I tell you.

And wait till you hear the developers name: UnholY CreatioN. I kid you not. That’s how they type their name, guys. Bless their hearts. The good thing is, they made a great if not senseless game I did masturbated too. So who am I to bash, really?

How To Get The Game

Unholy Disaster is on Steam, you breeders. All the good games are. The developers update patches to the game in there, so once you’ve tried it out, you can still get the updates. Of course, you’ll need an account, idiot. Don’t tell me you don’t have one because who’s a self-respecting gamer that doesn’t have a Steam account? And no, there are no other ways to get the game, so get on with it, cocksucker!

Let’s Talk Plot

Ok, so listen. Unholy Disaster is one of those games that’s straightforward. It doesn’t need all the bells and whistles that other kinds of games have, because in what it does, it does so excellently. Like, honest to goodness excellent like your orgasm, mofo.

The premise of the game is simple: you guide Clementine, a novice priestess, to fight against demons. Of course, Clementine is a busty babe, and she’s on her shrine robe. She’s incredibly sexy, even in her sprite form. And that’s saying something. I don’t usually dig adventure games, but for Clementine, why not?

The location of the game is west of a magical land called Eincia. The kingdom is blessed with clear waters and lush greenery - the perfect setup for fairies and demons and other elementals to flourish. Blah blah blah. I really like how the game is paced, though - it’s like getting a blowjob before going all in.

So Clementine. She’s a looker. Great face, long hair, great shape. She has water-related special abilities. And not the one that you’re thinking of, fucker. She’s not into piss play. Although, I still don’t know that, actually. Because of my experience with her, she’s quite flexible to my needs. And I mean exactly what you’re thinking of when I say flexible.

So you train Clementine, right? At the beginning of the game, she’s basically a nobody. You know, like the pretty girl in your class that doesn’t really know she’s pretty, but you know she is down to fuck whoever. Yeah, she’s that kind of girl.

Although Clementine has basic water-bending skills - not really water-bending - you know what I mean. As an aside, can you imagine a XXX game with Korra in it? That would be mind-blowing, to say the least. Ok, so, Clementine. You need to train her, idiot. She has the ability but doesn’t have the experience. You know, like every great sex slave does. Hehe

You explore the game with Clementine, and along the way, you get to interact with people in town, dig up resources, and search for ingredients. She’s a priestess, so she knows a thing or two about magic. This bitch has magical hands, and she’ll use it to her advantage.

What your role in this game is to mold her, make her the best version of herself. And to have fun with her and get her to have fun with other characters. All in a day’s game, folks.

Of course, this goes without saying that you’ll need to get the R-18 patch to experience Unholy Disaster in a new light. How do you get the patch? Search Steam, you moron. Once you’ve patched your game, I kid you not; it becomes hard.

It’s still sexy and fun, though, but you’ll be challenged. Clementine’s quest will be more detailed, and this bitch becomes more and more uncertain. She’ll become unsure of herself like every other pretty girl that you’ve salivated and masturbated in highschool. And you, good Sir, will be her knight in shining armor, waiting to jizz on her. Or pimp her out. Whatever.

I’ll tell you this: the R-18 patch is more explicit that you’ll imagine it to be. Oh, boy, you will be surprised. I’ll even bet you’ll be ejaculating in less than thirty minutes after patching things up, so don’t hold back. Once you’ve installed the patch, it’s on, mofo. There’s no turning back, and why would you, mofo? Why would you?

What Did I Like About The Game

To be fucking honest, what I like about the game is it no holds barred R-18 patch. The gameplay is challenging, sure, and that’s a win for the developers, but it also serves us incels, not just a way to nut, but a game to actually play. That right, motherfuckers - Unholy Disaster is a game that you play because it’s playable and not just because it’s got nudes in it.

The music’s top-notch, too. And it’s not the rock and roll-y shit that you typically expect from other developers. It’s a mix of instruments, classy tunes and there is some original pop music in there as well, I think. Although, I’m not really sure. I liked it, and that’s the most important thing.

Controls are easy to use, as easy as fondling your dick over your shorts while you play. There are gameplays in Unholy Disaster that’s reminiscent of Castlevania without the adult content. One of my highlights? Aside from nutting, of course, the boss battles are fun.

What Did I Not Like About The Game

Man, there isn’t a perfect game. I thought Tekken 7 on PlayStation 4 was it, you know, but all the girls are PG, so there’s that. Boohoo. Another day, another nut, I guess. What I don’t like about my experience with Unholy Disaster is the stage backgrounds can be a bit of an afterthought. It’s simplistic too, and while some noobs like that, I don’t roll around with those types of games anymore.

That’s not to say the game’s all shit. In fact, I’ll gladly play it any time of the day, but man, would it hurt the creators to at least be generous with overall level design? You got my dick cumming already, so why don’t you guys make my eyes orgasm too? Is that too much of an ask?

May I recommend some things to you good Sirs of UnholY CreatioN?

Get the controls more intuitive, motherfuckers. Seriously. I mean, it’s cool and all for casual gameplay, but what I really want is to delve deep into this, and I found out that I can’t do that without a decent controller. You good Sirs at UnholY CreatioN needs to make the game with full controller support. Fuck you, and thank you.

Another thing. The R-18 patch is one thing, but get the game to play a little bit longer, man. I mean, I expect that’s it’s going to end eventually, but make it worthwhile to all of us too, you know? Whatever, I’ve got many games to play, dudes. That means I have good erotic game alternatives. If you don’t get your act straight, well.

Conclusion

I like this game, I do. But will I fucking recommend it to you lonely incels? Yes. It’s honest to goodness exciting game. It’s not rough around the edges, and you can play it for fun without so much engagement to it. The gameplay is challenging, the characters are great if not one-dimensional, and seeing Clementine get fucked doggy style is the icing on the cake.