Purah's Lab

Why? Just why? Is nothing sacred? Breath of the Wild has like 20 different female characters who are fully grown adult women. Why would you make a porn game about the only woman who’s 4 feet tall? I just have to explain, for various ethical and moral reasons – Purah is old, very old. She’s geriatric. That’s how old she is. She fucked up a science experiment at some point in the past and now she’s de-aging, or more accurately she’s shrinking. Luckily, the folks behind Purah’s Lab had the good sense not to include the version of her from the actual game – that one has shrunk to the age of …well. Too young. Ok?

This version of Purah is a bit younger than that – meaning she’s a bit older than that. I mean, it’s sooner in the timeline, meaning she’s still got her adult body. If I had to guess, I’d say her body is around 24 years old or so. So, she’s an 80 something year old geriatric scientist who has the body of a lean pornstar. I approve of all this, in theory, but I still don’t see why we couldn’t have gone with Zelda instead. Hell, even Mipha would have been a better choice. Yes, I’ve played Breath of the Wild, not that doesn’t make me a nerd. Mipha is a fish with tits. I’d fuck a fish with tits, if she had a vagina. I’d like to imagine that Mipha has a vagina.

Short, Sweet, Hot

Where was I? Oh right, Purah’s Lab. Well, it’s a very short game with a very high level of overall quality. It’s a proper 3D game, no cut corners. It’s not a 3DCG, it’s not a novel, it’s an actual game. That being said, the gameplay of this game leaves so much to be desired. I’d rather be playing Tetris. Hell, I’d rather not be playing anything and just watch this shit instead. Then again, the whole point of porn games is to give any amount of immersion so that you feel like you earned the fap. It’s not about the actual quality of gameplay, most of the time. It’s about making you feel like your actions are the reason why the chick on screen is orgasming and what not. I have nothing against this kind of game design, in theory, but Purah’s Lab is kind of pushing it.

The gameplay is really simple. You find items on screen and you click them. Purah shows you a picture of an apple and you need to find an apple on screen and press it before she gets pissed. If the timer runs out, you fail the level and you have to start over. It’s simple enough in concept, but in execution it really feels like pulling teeth. First of all, these kinds of find-the-object games are not for everyone. Some people really struggle finding a fucking needle in a visual haystack and I’m one of those people. I could find the damn apple just fine, but when the bitch asked for a fishing rod, I was shit out of luck. I seriously kept failing at what is basically child’s play.

Needs More Content

You’d think that this would have made me more satisfied with the fap, right? Yeah, not really. I mean, I didn’t hate it. It was a great fap and liked what I saw, but I didn’t feel greatly immersed or anything. It was just a short, mildly annoying experience after which I was rewarded with some 3D goodness. Pussy, ass, and some perfect tits. The Zelda style was a bit weird for my taste, but as long as a hot 20 something year old babe is touching herself for me, I’m down to clown.

You can see some of the action up in my screenshots. Hell, you can see half the game. You can get through the whole thing in 15 minutes. This is fine, in theory. It’s a free game made by one guy. More power to him. If he gets praise and support from the community, he’ll make more. That part is fine. What isn’t fine is that this 15-minute game took me 15 minutes to give up on. I only made it half the way through because of the annoying-ass gameplay. There’s a VIP code you can enter that gets you all the hot content right away, but that’s for paid supporters. Besides, that kind of negates the purpose of actually having a damn game in the first place. It’s better this way, but the gameplay should at the very least be fun. Again, if we had Tetris instead of this shit, it would have been much better.

Actual 3D – Rare Shit

I’m talking a loud of loud shit about Purah’s Lab, but truth is, this game is probably an 8/10, when compared to other game titles. It’s an 8 in quality, mind you – not in overall experience. We’ve got porn games that offer more than 30 hours of original gameplay, those are clearly way better. I admire the style and degree of commitment that went into Purah’s Lab. This dude straight up modelled the chick from scratch, using the game as an inspiration and he did it all in proper 3D. This shit is actually running on your PC. This does kind of mean that you can’t play it on a toaster, but I doubt you’re going to have problems with it. Just… have a PC.

As I only made it through half of the game, I don’t actually know how the game ends, though I did see that the last chapter is called Purah’s Fuck Machine. So, I’m definitely interested, but I don’t want to play this game long enough to find out what that is. You can do it yourself. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. I just fapped on day two while she was fondling her tits and flashing her pussy. It was enough for me. Plus, I was kind of trying to just wrap shit up. 

Praise This Developer

All in all, Purah’s Lab is a testament to what a single man can do if he stops fapping for a few days and actually gets some work done. I tell myself that I will make a porn game someday. Then, I whip my cock out, jack myself into a coma and wake up the next day to do it all-over again. Writing game reviews is one thing, and don’t get me wrong, it’s hard as shit. But, making an actual porn game? That’s a nightmare. I admire folks that manage to get this shit done, especially when they don’t take shortcuts. Purah’s Lab is a proper 100% finished porn game that can, in theory, receive updates in the future and the developer has said that he isn’t done developing yet. So, whether he updates this game or just makes another title with another Zelda character remains to be seen. Either way, I really want to see what comes next.

For now, you can download Purah’s Lab for free and I doubt that’s going to change in the future since this guy’s running on donations. Patreon, you know. Basic stuff. We’ve seen it countless times before. It’s my favorite business model. Money for everyone and the chicks for free.

Quality Faps Incoming

Let’s wrap this up with what I like the most about Purah. She’s got a great personality. She really likes getting to the point. Her tits are perfect, her figure is divine and I want to eat her asshole. Well, I would if she were flesh and blood. I still haven’t made up my mind about how I feel towards cartoony women. Either way, I know a lot of you are going to find her irresistible. The developer made sure of that. 

In the original game, she’s kind of a ditz and she tends to flail around a lot. In this game, she’s a bit more serious, especially when she’s playing with herself. She really focuses on the action. This is the kind of woman who values her orgasms. Unfortunately, you can’t dick her, as far as I can tell. You’re her assistant. You fetch her items and she fucks herself in reward. You also get to kiss her, by pressing her face, but that accomplishes nothing. It’s just added flair. 

Purah’s Lab gets my gold star of optimism and dedication and a great big request to the developer to alter the gameplay in just about any way that makes this experience a bit smoother. I don’t like clicking on gears and apples, damn it. Maybe we could click on her body parts instead? That would be really neat. Either way, this game is 100% worth downloading. That much is clear.