Pornhub Casino

Sometimes you just want to piss away your hard-earned dollars and who the fuck am I to tell you otherwise? Casinos are the way to go if the money in your pocket is starting to burn a hole, and you need to alleviate some pressure. Do you know how sometimes in medical TV shows they’ll pierce a hole in your throat to help you breathe in case you’re choking? Well, casinos are here to put a hole in your coin purse in case your hard-earned dollars are giving you a hernia.

On the flip side, gambling has been a staple of human culture for as long as we’ve had masturbation. For every artist who drew cave paintings of pussies, you’ve had a dealer who’d let you gamble your blueberries for the chance of winning some sabretooth steak. What I’m trying to say is gambling and porn have been around for a while.

When you’re horny, you jack off. When you’re bored, you gamble. So, why not put the two together and gamble in style? I mean, they say that the same part of your brain that handles erections is also in play when you decide to gamble, and you shouldn’t. So, maybe if half of your blood’s in your dick, you won’t gamble as irresponsibly, because you’re gambling with half a brain. I do not know whether this is the case; I am not a doctor-man or a shaman. I’m just here to tell you about nude casinos.

Gambling with Naked Chicks

It’s a simple enough concept, people. You gamble, and there are naked tits on screen. PornHub has just taken this concept and polished off the dirt and spackle left by earlier entries to the genre. We used to have naked casinos where you’d see an animation of a cartoon babe winking at you, encouraging you to bet big. This was in the 90s. We are not living in the 90s anymore. Now, PornHub can afford to stream high definition tits straight to your home.

By the way, before we go any further, I should note that this is technically PH.Casino. I don’t know why they changed their name and URL, but let’s just go with it. It’s their fucking preference, no skin off my ass. One way or another, you get the hottest of the hot, or I should say, the biggest tits in the game, to deal cards for you. It’s kind of sad that you can’t get this treatment in an actual casino, but hey, at least while you’re home, you can also jack off.

Live Deal Vs Games

PH Casino has two different types of services on its site, live, and games. It sounds a bit confusing, but bear with me. You can either join a room of other rich perverts so that you can gamble on an actual live table of cards being dealt in front of you by a busty babe, or you can play slots. Why anyone in their right mind would play slots is beyond me.

Just to be clear, I’m not ragging on people who play slot machines. I know that that’s some sort of underground culture with a huge following. I’ve seen a lot of people play slots in real casinos. I know it’s real shit. I just don’t get why you’d play slots on a website that literally has naked chicks a button press away. But, to each his own, I always say.

The live shit is where it’s at. They always have some large breasted bimbo manning the table, and as a dealer, I guess they do well enough. I mean, they’re not trained dealers, as you’d get in a Vegas joint, but they’re still good at their jobs. The table itself is live for everyone; you don’t get an exclusive chick, obviously. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if she noticed if you started moving millions.

It’s kind of like the cam girl model if you think about it. You drop actual money to hang out with a virtual chick who can see your bets, but there are other dudes placing bets at the same time. That’s some pretty neat shit if you ask me, especially since with these girls, you can actually walk away with more money than you had before you started.

Gambling with Titties

Is gambling with real-life titties on-screen smart? Well, it’s no dumber than regular gambling, I’ll tell you that. I can’t attest to the science behind it, by I tried out a few hands-on this site and I’ll say this much, I definitely found myself more relaxed than usual. When I normally gamble, like say, in BlackJack, the dealer is always really stern and quiet. Sometimes they’ll crack a smile, but that’s the most you’re going to get. They’re very serious and most of the time they kind of act like they don’t want you there. They don’t really mind you; it’s just the nature of the job. They have to be professional.

Here, you don’t just get laughs; you get tits as well. That’s the kind of lax behavior I can get behind. I mean, it doesn’t affect the actual gambling, the cards are still exactly the same. It’s not like the girl is going to fuck up your deal by being relaxed, unless you believe in whack luck-based logic. Like, maybe her being relaxed ruins your luck of draw. That’s bullshit.

Now, the titties can be distracting, sure. But, I didn’t find them actually getting in the way of my game. I didn’t get rich on these tables, sure, but I had a great time, and I was generally calm throughout. Even when losing, I found the game to be very relaxing. The tits kept my mind off of my wallet. I didn’t get nearly as much gambling urge as I usually do. Usually, I just obsess over growing the numbers. Here, the gigantic breasts in front of me kept reminding me of what really matters – cumshots and bitches.

More on the Slots

Even though I much prefer the live games to the slots, I have to give props to PH for having an absolute shit ton of high-quality slots with a lot of variety to them. I think it’s the mark of a good casino when they have a lot of different slot machines on top of the live tables. I’ve seen this type of thing in real life casinos as well. It’s sort of like the slots are a symbol of the casino’s overall success.

I’ll admit I don’t have too much experience with slot machines; I always find them to be a bit too random for me, so the best I can say is that you can see other people’s bets while you’re in a room and that kind of adds some relaxation and trust. Plus, PH is a huge company, so I honestly don’t think they have any reason to be any less safe a gambling location than a real-world casino.

Playing for Fun

PH also lets you gamble for fun, with fake money, which is a really nice concept as far as I’m concerned. It lets you try out both your luck and the content they offer for free, and it’s generally a really nice way to do business. It would be really unfair if they forced you to pay real money to simply check out what they have to offer.

Hot-Ish Girls

I keep saying that the chicks on the live tables have huge tits, and I stand by that, but I have to note that they’re not the hottest bitches in the industry, not even close. I don’t have a problem with this, to be honest, but you might, depending on your preferences.

Since most of what you see are her tits and her face, they stick to large breasts, because they know that’s most of what you’re going to see. I kind of wish they had some nubile hotties that look younger and more innocent, but for the most part, you get cock-hungry whores. Plus, most of the tits are fake, and that can get on my nerves sometimes.

Overall, this is a great casino with amazing offers, and if you want some nude gambling, you have no reason not to give them a try. I know I’ll certainly keep coming back to them when I’m feeling lucky. Finally, an ever-important disclaimer: Remember to gamble responsibly. If you’re feeling angsty, jack off instead. There’s no limit to the number of times you can jack off, thankfully.