Evenicle

I’ve reviewed games that straight up had the main character raping women, and I didn’t bat an eye. I’ve described such games as cute and entertaining. Enter Evenicle. This game freaks me out on so many levels it’s almost hard to talk about. You know I’m not squeamish. I’ve seen some shit. Hell, I review all kinds of porn for a living. Surely I can handle seeing some drawn 2D pussy getting penetrated in a video game. That’s what I thought, but I was wrong. Evenicle broke me. And if like me, you too lack any common sense or dignity, Evenicle can fuck you up also for only $44,99.

Starts off Nice and Gentle

Like a 24-inch cock wielding porn wizard at the start of an anal sex scene, this game paces itself, lubing you up with the promise of cute RPG action. I mean, it’s a Steam game, how bad can it be? You create your character, who is your typical young adult boy who is obsessed with his two adopted sisters. He wants to fuck them more than anything else in the world. It is his calling in life. But alas, in this universe, you cannot fuck your own sister, or anyone else’s for that matter.

Yeah, this game hits you with some heavy exposition, but at least it all happens really fast. Basically, this world is fucked to hell and back, and if you have unprotected sex before marriage, demons come to get you. More specifically, if you have any kind of sex with anyone that you are not married to, a corruption ring appears around one of your digits, usually the ring finger. This tells everyone else that you are an outlaw, and you must be shunned immediately. They can’t just ignore you. By being an outlaw, you pretty much bring death and dishonor and other devastation everywhere you go. They have no choice but to kick you out into the wilds.

Anyways, you don’t really concern yourself with the ethical implications of boning people. You just really want to fuck your stepsisters. So to that end, you depart from the relative safety of Fresh Fish Island, where you are from, in hopes of becoming a knight, because apparently, that’s the only way you can eventually get to fuck your step-sisters. Bear with me; this will all make sense in a minute.

Holy Mother Eve and Butt Sex

In case you skipped the prologue to the game, here’s the gist of it: The world was created by a character known only as Holy Mother Eve. She created Man and gave him a couple of easy to follow commandments. Do not kill and do not have vaginal sex with two or more people. If you break any of these two commandments even once, you get branded and become an outlaw. The ring appears on one of your fingers, and everyone knows you’re bad news.

Once you become an outlaw, everything becomes a living nightmare for you as you can’t farm, can’t interact with animals without freaking them out, and if you’re a woman, you get raped over and over because no-one cares enough to help you. It’s a pretty bad life.

However, if you want to be a sex freak, there is an alternative put forth by this Mother Eve. You can become a knight. If you become a knight, you take it upon yourself to protect the people of the realm from outlaws and monsters. It’s the kind of job you want to have if you can’t keep your dick in your pants, and you’re allergic to monogamy, because it is the only legal way you can sleep with more than one person in a single lifetime.

Perverts and Outlaws

Naturally, the main character in Evenicle dreams of becoming a knight so that he can marry his two step-sisters. His entire motivation for slaying monster after monster in this game is to eventually end up balls deep inside these two girls. But, he has to leave his homestead and venture into the world if he is to fulfill his destiny. It’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, but my god it makes for great porn filler. Plus, the story is so internally consistent that at no point do you feel like anyone is dicking around the point. None of the people in this game are actual sex freaks, unless you count the main character. Everyone else acts in a very believable way. That’s probably what makes this game such a fan favorite.

The only other perverts in the game are naturally the outlaws, who managed to have extramarital sex one way or another and found it to be a damn fitting life to lead. Naturally, they’re criminals. I mean, they go around raping, pillaging, and plundering. They’re the bane of everyone else’s existence. But, they know how to party. If they so much as get near a woman, you can rest damn sure that they’d rape the shit out of her six ways to Sunday. As a soldier and later a knight, this is exactly what you’re trying to prevent.

So the game’s got a lot of monsters, soldiers, knights and outlaws and a lot of civilians too. All of these individuals are locked in tense situations driven entirely by the fucked up universe they find themselves living in.

A Terrifying Intro

I’ve played a lot of introductory levels to a lot of porn games, and none of them left me nearly as traumatized as this one. Normally, a porn game dumps you into hardcore sex action as a way of getting you excited for the gameplay. You want to see more of what you’ve just been shown. It motivates you to work even harder to get even more pussy.

Well, that wasn’t the case with Evenicle. This game gave me nightmares. Basically, after you descend from your home and into the countryside, you meet a few knights and soldiers, and you get told to piss right off because you don’t have what it takes to become one of them. Being your natural horny and stubborn self, you choose to ignore their instructions and set off into a nearby cave to rescue a local farmer girl who’s recently been kidnapped by outlaws.

When you arrive there, you expect to find the local female knight whom you met along the way and hopefully save the poor girl who’s been kidnapped. Unfortunately, the knight isn’t there yet. You arrive first only to witness the outlaws raping the ever-loving shit out of this girl, in pretty much every hole they could stuff a sausage into. Now, I’ve seen rape scenes in other video games. I also very much appreciate that you’re here to stop the rape, rather than take part in it. I’m all about consensual penetration.

The thing that freaked me out was hearing this girl scream her lungs out, not just because she was being raped, which is traumatic enough, but also because of what she knew was coming. You see, right after the rape, she got branded as an outlaw. This meant that you and the nearby knight girl could not actually save her and bring her back home. You had no right to. You literally had to discard her as a piece of garbage, even though she literally just got gang-raped. Oh, and by the way, she begs you to sever her fingers, toes, and any other digit that a mark might appear on, but you discourage her from this as you know that the mark would appear regardless. You don’t have to have a finger to be an outlaw.

Oh, you thought that was the worst part? Sweet innocent you. Nope. That same girl makes an appearance later, and let’s just say, what happens next makes the first rape look like a walk in the park. She gets jumped by a group of monsters, not outlaws. Now, monsters, by nature, eat people when they’re hungry. But, they’re also very horny, most of the time. That meant that when these monsters got their hands on her, she wasn’t quite sure what they were going to do to her, but she had a general idea.

So, she started screaming. Specifically, she started begging them to rape her. Now, why would she do that? Well, because she knew that if they don’t rape her, they’ll probably eat her. And that’s what they did. And you get to hear her scream and beg for her life until, at a certain point, the screams become deafening and you hear her throat snap. It was the most traumatizing shit I’ve ever heard in my entire life, and the fact that her voice was high pitched and in Japanese didn’t make things any easier.

So, if that sounds like your cup of tea and you also like great graphics and fun, light-hearted RPG gameplay, by all means, dig right in. Evenicle might just be your next favorite video game.