BoneTown

Bone Town! How do you do, the unevolved neanderthal audience that reads porn game reviews instead of actually playing it? You're probably here to know about a game released long ago that broke the boundaries of censorship. BoneTown was perhaps the first of its kind - "it" being an action-adventure game that was filled with porn. It was sure to grab the attention of the degenerate few that had nothing better to do.

BoneTown is all about you fucking every girl on sight, doing every drug known to man, beating up other men. That's it. Oh, the story of the whole game is that you have to do all sorts of maniacal, perverted shit to stop 'The Man Inc.' from placing morals in the wonderful BoneTown. You come across great heroes(Jesus and Ron Jeremy) that will help you adventure. Use your big fist, huge cock, and collection of drugs to "save" your city.

That's basically the gist of the game, so it's up to you if you want to play it now or not. I kind of understand why you want to read this review about a game released a little over ten years ago. Not to mention the price - 35, 40 and 50 dollars. Considering that it has monkey-shit graphics and that it was developed and released over a decade ago? That shit's expensive! I don't think many of you can even afford to play the game.

Play How You Want To

BoneTown isn't like the Japanese porn games where they're all left-click-hell Visual Novels. It's a full-fledged game where you can make your own decisions in how you progress through the game's storyline. Meet the many minorities of America and fuck em! Bitches, cash, and drugs, galore! BoneTown depicted what it was like to live in a city that every delusional, horny teenager has dreamed of.

The Gameplay

BoneTown takes a Grand Theft Auto vibe, where it isn't really a grind-heavy game. Run around the metropolis, under a heavy influence of drugs and punch anyone you want to. Complete the missions set by in order to bone all of the women you want. The more missions you've completed, the higher your level. The higher your level, the more likely it is for a hot chick is to sleep with you, so it's the typical level-for-more-shit type of game.

The game starts out with you being pissed on by some drunk douchebag at the beach. This sequence is the perfect time to show you the ropes on how to beat the shit out of anyone. Left-click for a left punch, right-click for a right punch, and the middle mouse is for blocking. Real easy, right? Since you'll be making other people catch fades, it turns the game into a somewhat clicking hell because you'll need to punch people a lot.

Straight after, you get your first encounter with a woman! Whoa! That's something many of you degenerates can't do! Your first fuck mate(Candy - typical stripper name, I know) gives you the rundown on how the whole game functions. The higher your level(or the bigger your balls are), the more likely women will want to have sex with you, but you need to give them a reason to do so. Interact with them on the street to see if you can get some action going.

Candy gives you your first sex interaction, as well. Where you need to match your speed and power(blue bars on the bottom left) with how the women want it (pink bars on the bottom left). Orgasms are reached when her bar matches yours(on the left side). Having sex with women regains your HP. You can't fuck any of the hot women yet because you start with small gonads, so you're stuck with fucking fat and ugly bitches for the time being.

Beating people up gives you their identity. No joke. Once you've knocked an innocent bystander out, you get to have their whole look - face, and clothing. Depending on your whole fit, it may help you in seducing women - leading to more sex, which means hotter women. Dying resets your testicular size, and you'll be stripped down to your boxers, though you'll retain the look of who you beat up earlier. So you get to stay Indian! Without the slick fit.

This game is filled with a shit ton of satirical humor, racism, sexism, mature, sexual content, and hate. So if you're opposed to those factors, then man the fuck up. It's a fucking porn game made to please the chronic masturbators who do it every hour. I don't think the developers didn't really aim to please everyone. Plus, BoneTown was developed before 2010, so those things were good bait to attract people's attention other than the entitled white people.

What I Like:

Despite all of the shitty lackluster animations and dirt art, I actually don't have much of a problem with the audio quality - It's reminiscent of GTA San Andreas. Despite its age, BoneTown still managed to come out a little better than some other "respectable" games when it comes down to the voice work and sound department. Admittedly, I just had to find a random thing to like, so this is the best aspect.

Considering that this game is low-budgeted and was produced rather poorly, the surprising factor was that it is operated with two hands! So you can't really jack off while playing(that and shitty graphics). Sure, it isn't much, but the fact that it's operated as such despite not being a console game is something to appreciate and respect. Especially during its time. Where you wouldn't find many games akin to this.

The developers didn't shy away from the offensive, yet oddly amusing content. Probably to attract the nation's white supremacists. I personally don't support it, but its almost always good comedic content. The whites taking over the native American lands, the pasty redneck jews hating the pygmies, the women are treated as sex objects(and their obsession with the size of your balls), and the token Indians and Mexicans littered across the game.

What I Don't Like

As I mentioned earlier, BoneTown has piss poor animation and cowshit art. The utter shittiness of the art quality as a whole brings it down as a porn game. Porn games are supposed to excite you and make you wanna jack off at the sight of bare titties, but this game barely does it for me, mainly because of the animation and art. The lack of variation in the animation is also a big contributor.

The storyline and questline are straight-up boring. I never really got invested in the game, I completed it for the sake of completing it. It lacks excitement and fun because you need to just punch and punch people to death. Meaning it's frustrating too! The combat system gives you a full-on sex scene after every battle, but as I said before, it's shit. So it doesn't amount to much. You do all of this while having to rely on the buffs that the drugs give you.

I said it's a positive thing, but it's also a huge negative. This type of humor isn't really for everyone, meaning if you have a really soft heart and you're a little bitch, then this game is something you should avoid at all costs. Because I can already feel all of the bitch boys getting triggered. As I said, BoneTown is filled with racism, sexism, and hate. Be wary if you're still tempted to play the game.

Conclusion

I didn't really enjoy playing the game because there are too many negatives for me to enjoy it. I mentioned it before; the game is boring, the controls are repetitive, questline is below average, the animations are shit, the art style frustrates me, the content is dark and offensive, and lastly, you have to pay a lot to play a shitty old porn game that doesn't let it's audience have that sexual satisfaction because it has no concrete objectives.

It definitely wasn't worth the money, playing this game just made me realize I had better things to do with my time and money. I mean, there are other porn games developed before 2010 that can take the cake from BoneTown. I do respect the idea that it is the first action-adventure porn game but I must say, I am thoroughly disappointed. The difference in enjoyment and value is vast, so I don't recommend you to play the game.