Timestamps, Unconditional Love

This game’s name might confuse you into thinking that it has something to do with punching in a time card or paying your taxes. But, the name is pretty much the only part of this game that isn’t a boner inducing fuck-fest. This game is so painfully hot; I have to caution you to break out the industrial-strength lube before you even consider checking it out. Think I’m overselling it? Look at the screenshots. Fucking look! This right here is an S tier porn game, and the smut within cannot be beaten. I’ve been around the block a few times, all right? I know porn graphics.

But there’s more to a porn game than just graphics and don’t you worry; I’ll get to that. Let’s dive cock first into this gem of a modern porn game and see what’s what.

Unity to the Rescue

Not that it makes that big of a difference, but this game is a Unity3D title. Normally, the visual novel styled porn games that I review are all made in Ren’Py. I have no idea why this trend took off. I guess that engine’s easy to make visual novels in or whatever. Either way, this one’s built-in Unity, which means better compatibility. It also means that it’s available on PC, Mac, and Linux. Add on top of that the fact that if the game isn’t broken (and it isn’t, I checked), that means it’ll work just fine on every computer, period.

And to the people who are reading this review out of a Cold War bunker on a computer made entirely out of vacuum tubes, fuck off. That’s not a computer, that’s a museum exhibit. If your PC was made in the past 10 years or so, this game will flow like butter, and so will your downward strokes.

I am not sure if Unity3D had anything to do with it, but this is one of few visual novel porn games with 3D renders that I’ve played that actually had proper HD graphics. Normally, the renders are some mid-resolution of near-HD, but you can still find a blur fest if you look hard enough. You get none of that nonsense here; it’s all crisp, clear titties as far as the eye can see. And, speaking of titties…

These Fucking Graphics, Though

I feel like it was just yesterday that aspiring perverts were creating their own imaginary waifus in 3DS Max and sharing their work on Reddit, showcasing the custom super-females they’ve crafted with their own two hands. Those days are long gone and have been replaced with an age of perfectionists who only craft professional titties. You don’t have to look for long to find high-quality 3D renders of tits these days. The experts have come out of their shells, and they’re absolutely killing it.

Whoever the dude-bro behind this game art is, he’s a fucking virtuoso. He’s kind of like what Michelangelo was back in the day, except that guy spent a lot more time perfecting tiny cocks. This guy’s wiser than that and spends most of his time crafting the ultimate tits and asses. I appreciate him for it. Now, I’ve seen a lot of tits and asses in this western 3D art style. The artists usually go for realism. They want to render virtual women who look as much like the real thing as possible, but without all the dumb conversations about feelings and “where the relationship is going”.

His bodywork is definitely on fleek, as the kids say. Every single bitch in this game is either a giant breasted fuck-mommy or a nubile girl-next-door. I want to jam my cock inside every single one of them. But, putting the stunning bodies aside for a second, let’s talk about the faces.

Barbie X Ken: The Game

Just to be clear, I’m kidding; this game is in no way going for a Barbie vibe, officially. I just had to make that comparison, because fuck me, they look like Barbie dolls. I don’t have a lot of experience with the toy, I’ll admit. My closest experience was when I was a kid, and I tried to look up their skirts as much as possible. Don’t judge me; I’ve always been a horn dog.

Either way, I remember a thing or two about their smooth, doll faces, and that’s what I see when I look at the characters in this game. They’re all super polished and life-like. So maybe they’re like the more expensive Barbies, but whatever, my point sticks.

Normally, in this particular 3D style of rendering people as close as possible to the real thing, the bodies are always great, but the faces make me uncomfortable. Normally, they look like robots. They give you that uncanny valley vibe and generally freak you out. Well, it turns out we’ve gotten far enough into the future that we no longer have to suffer that dog-shit vibe. Now, we’ve got games like Timestamps in which the faces of the chicks look equal parts fuckable and Barbie-like. You can the screenshots for yourselves and get a sense of what I’m talking about. They just don’t look robotic. I fucking love that.

There’s a Story

If you can deflate your cock long enough to return some much-needed blood back into your frontal lobe, you’ll notice that there’s a bunch of text on the bottom of the screen throughout most of the game. This is what we like to call the gameplay. That text there, that’s the dialogue and exposition, that tells you what is actually happening on screen. I know what you’re thinking: Who the fuck cares when there are tits on screen?

I know, but still, the story is worth your time. I found it to be very sexy in those moments in between jacking it and jacking harder when I actually looked down from the smut. Apparently, you’re playing as some dudebro who managed to fuck his life up by not fucking enough bitches and being a general normie. Luckily, your best friend has been spending his time much more wisely, so he swoops in to your rescue.

This guy dead-ass built a time machine, and he wants to let you use it to go back in time to Cougar Valley, where you will be drowning in hot bitches. The general idea is that you’re going back in time to fix past mistakes and get your life back on track. The developers have also pointed out that you dictate the way that you change your future-present, through the decisions you make in the past. I’m guessing this is a tricky way of saying that if you don’t bang all the bitches, you’ll suffer painful regret. I didn’t really need that warning, but all right.

Back to The Future 2: Electric Boogaloo

I’m sorry for that headline; I just couldn’t help myself. This game officially has two chapters that are 100% complete and ready to be played for free. There are a few more days to go before the second chapter is officially released to the public for free, but by the time this review goes out, that download link should already be available. I already told you all about Chapter 1, basically. In Chapter 2, however, you go back to the future, to figure out how you managed to fuck things up in the past. As a huge fan of time travel movies, I love this concept. As an even bigger fan of fucking bitches, I’m just glad I get to fuck more bitches.

This game just keeps getting hotter and hotter and the fact that they went out of their way to completely finish not one, but two installments of it, entirely for free, for everyone to enjoy, blows my fucking mind.

Thanks, Patreon

We have Patreon and the hundreds of backers of Motkeyz Games to thank for this amazing game. They’re dropping their hard disposable income into this game development team so that those of you who are broke can still enjoy primo porn gaming. What absolute mad lads. I’m not surprised that this studio is raking in the big bucks, though, given how optimized their shit is.

I haven’t had a chance to play the second chapter yet, but you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to. And, who knows, given how quickly they churned this one out, the third one might be coming up soon as well. Don’t quote me on that.

This is the kind of high-quality 3D game you’ve been waiting your whole life for. If you’re in the market for a free porn game with no real catch, Timestamps is the game for you. Hell, this is a great game even if you hate visual novels, since the writing’s so sparse. I insist that you try it out as soon as possible.