Croft Adventure

I wasn’t expecting it to be this good. Come on, it’s some random dude’s personal attempt at making a Lara Croft porn game found on ItchIo. I expected it to be a loose collection of smut pics held together by duct tape. What I got instead was a clusterfuck of top tier porn gaming all rolled into one tiny 500MB download. Just goes to show you, you can’t judge a book by its cover. Croft Adventures is a very interesting and surprisingly unique porn game made by one dude who really seems to care about doing a good job. Porn game developers of this caliber are rare, trust me. Luckily, I found him, so now I can blast this game far and wide in hopes that you will all try it and enjoy is as much as I did.

Disclaimer: I didn’t actually finish the game and I know it is currently still in development, so I can’t know how it’s going to wrap up, but I have a good reason for not finishing it – I fapped three times. This game is huge. Seriously, for a 500MB demo or whatever you want to call it, this game is gigantic. I have no idea how much content there is left for me beyond the faps I already had but I saw like 10 different sex scenes and they were all unique. This is amazing stuff. This is top tier game development at its finest and I can’t recommend this game enough. Now, let’s take a step back and dive into it from the beginning, together, like a couple of butt buddies.

Meet Lara

She’s different than you might remember. Lara Croft is known for running and gunning and occasionally jumping across giant pits filled with dinosaurs. Croft Adventures goes in a bit of a different direction. It’s a bit tamer with the action, but it goes deep on the mystery. Lara is constantly dealing with all kinds of complicated mysteries and mystical magics that make absolutely no sense to me, but I’m not complaining. Not to spoil the whole plot of the game for you or anything, but she has dream sex. A lot of dream sex. She can’t stop having dream sex with some sort of otherworldly lesbians. I don’t know – there’s not a lot of blood in my brain when I’m jacking it, but this much I managed to remember.

She’s cool and she’s interesting. She’s way hotter than in any of the games you’ve played. I was happy to see that they didn’t explode her proportions to blow-up doll sizes. Yes, I like them busty and all, but give me a break. Who the fuck wants to bang a balloon? I want large tits, sure, but not if they’re so large that I can’t see one if I’m standing behind the other. This Lara is the best Lara. She has a cute, fuckable face, with dick sucking lips, an ass that won’t quit and large bouncy milkers that tend to flop around when she’s getting dicked, both in her dreams and in real life. 

Equal Opportunity Tomb Raider

As in she raids everyone’s tombs – men, women, monsters from other worlds, she’ll find all their tombs and raid them all. She is the tomb raider. Or should I say womb raider? Nah, that’s a dumb pun. She bangs around. She fucks everyone. She’s constantly horny. I think she might be a nympho or something, but she hides it well in-between scenes. I mean, she’ll set out on some sort of investigative mission, out in the regular world and she’ll happen to run into another woman’s vagina. Then, sex happens. It has to. It’s the rules of the porn game universe. So, she’s a nympho, but in short and frequent bursts. She goes from serious to horny in the blink of an eye.

You could tag this game as both lesbian and straight, but I think it’s irrelevant if what you’re here for is Lara herself. I mean, I downloaded the game because I wanted to see Lara get fucked and sucked on. She does indeed do those things, so who cares if she’s fucking a man or a woman or an army of otherworldly monsters? I sure as hell don’t. Plus, the game’s pacing is so …horny. I mean, she can’t go to the bathroom without ending up on the receiving end of a gloryhole. It’s that sexually random. She’s always focused on her mission, but sex just seems to find her out in the wild. She’s like a female fictional version of me. I can’t do my taxes without the fear of getting blown by some coed. It’s a real struggle, I tell you.

The Graphics Are to Die for

It looks like a generic 3DCG and it many ways it is, but the problem with most 3DCGs is that the people who made them were either lazy or uninspired or they just don’t have good enough computers to make anything other than a slideshow of posed models. Fuck all that. Croft Adventures comes in with complete animations. Most of the scenes are animated, and not just the fucking but the actual walking around, taking a shower, reading a letter. It’s all animated for fun. It’s still prerendered, because this is a Ren’Py game, but that’s the definition of min-maxing, isn’t it? You get primo 3D animated graphics in a game that would run on a smart fridge. Truly, we are living in the future.

I don’t understand how they managed to compress the game down to 500MB given how many animations there are. Going into this bad boy I really expected a lot of compromises, but what I got instead was one of the most rewarding interactive fapping experiences of my life. This is a true and proper porn game through and through. It’s a must play and I will be keeping an eye on development down the line to see what else Lara manages to get fucked by. 

Interactive Story

The gameplay is, well, the same as in every other Ren’Py 3DCG. Things happen on screen, usually involving titties, then you make a choice regarding what happens next and you live with the sexy consequences. Should Lara take a shower or not? Should she masturbate while she’s showering or not? Should she insert the entire goddamn shower nozzle into her uterus while she does this or not? Let’s be real, 99% of us wouldn’t even notice if the game didn’t have working choices, because we’d always juist press the hottest looking option. Who in their right mind would opt for Lara NOT masturbating in the shower? At that point, you’d have to ask yourself why you’re even playing the game.

That being said, this does mean that the game is a bit less … responsive, to your actions. It doesn’t seem to matter much what you actually do, in terms of how the story unfolds. You choose whether Lara sucks the cock or takes it up her ass, but that’s a sex choice, not a story choice. You don’t get to pave your own way through the story or anything like that. Maybe this will change down the line, but for right now, this is a glorified Lara fucking simulator – which I am actually very happy about. Lara Croft is one of the most fuckable virtual characters of all time, right up there with Samus Aran and 3D renders of your mom. They’re all winners in my book.

One of the Best 3DCGs

If I recommend it, that means it’s good. Plain and simple. I am the supreme pussy authority. I have deemed this game fap worthy. It won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, especially if you’re the kind of fellow who really cares about in-depth gameplay mechanics. But, if that’s the case, go play RimWorld. We’re here to masturbate to Lara Croft, damn it. I think that Croft Adventures is one of the most promising 3DCGs of our time and I’m glad to see porn game developers actually bringing original ideas to the table.

I don’t mean Lara herself. Obviously, that’s the least original concept out there. I mean the actual story. You never really know what’s going to happen next. It’s got twists and turns and it’s really unpredictable. This is like 10% of what a good porn game needs in order to be satisfying. The other 90%, pussy and this game has pussy. I think you’ll love it. It’s free to download. The developer is living off of donations. You’re also free to donate, if you’d like. I’ll drop a shekel or two, once I’m done fapping a few more times. This dude’s making amazing interactive smut and I think he deserves the free coffee.