Bron's Quest

All right, get some popcorn, pour yourself some soda, and have a seat, my dudes. It’s time for one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my entire life. Bron’s Quest is one of my all-time favorite things to do on a computer. You heard me. This mind-blowing porn game by legends Marble Syrup will have you laughing your goddamn guts out. I haven’t laughed this hard in years. I haven’t laughed this hard since the last time a woman asked me to sleep over at her place after we had already had sex.

Now, let me stress this, because it cannot be stressed enough: This is not a comedy game. This is a funny porn game. The porn in this game is 100% top-notch quality fap-worthy gold. But, that’s not the only reason to play it. Think of this way. Would you rather fuck a girl with large tits or another girl with equally large tits and a sense of humor? I’m sure you’re thinking that humor doesn’t matter, she won’t be able to talk with a dick in her mouth. All right, you’d have a fair point. But still, you’re not thinking about the net positive. Have you ever jacked off while you’re rock hard and laughing yourself to death? You should try it. It’s like auto-erotic-asphyxiation, but without any downsides.

The 4th Wall

I’m dying to talk about the 4th wall. Usually, when a protagonist in a porn game breaks your immersion, that shit kills the man. It ruins the boner. You play porn games for the immersion. You want to feel like you’re really out there fucking bitches instead of sitting in your chair, smelling like Doritos. Well, in this game, they managed to cram in 10 fourth wall breaks per pussy, and you’re constantly seeing pussy. You do the math. That’s a lot of immersion-breaking dialogue.

It doesn’t get in the way of your enjoyment in the slightest. I was pissing myself and polishing my flagpole throughout an hour of this amazing game. Hell, I went back to play the game even after I came. That’s how I knew that I had found something special.

Your character, Bron, is constantly talking about things he shouldn’t know, like the fact that he’s in a video game, you know? Plus, the game comes with a ton of dialogue options, a lot more than you normally get in a visual novel. They’re mostly crammed in for the humor, some of them do actually branch the storyline, but for the most part, you’re just dicking around. Like, let’s say someone asks you what your motivation is, and you want to say that you’re just here for the pussy. Well, you get a bunch of dialogue options like: sex, sexy time, sex with dick, sexy sex, sex in pussy, etc. You can also go for “Sexit this conversation”, which I’m assuming lets you 180 out of there. Either way, this kind of humor did not get old for me. Every single time a new line appeared on screen, I choked a little bit.

The Art

Marble Syrup really confuses me, because, between the few games they’ve made, the only real common thread seems to be the art. There is the exception of Nympho Waifu, but I know they bought that second hand and added their own dialogue. It wasn’t their own project from the ground up. Anyways, the surprise was the actual humor with the 4th wall breaks. It’s not that a studio isn’t allowed to experiment, I’m all for that. I just didn’t expect them to go this wild is all. The game feels very cheerful and light-hearted, all around.

Anyways, back to the point at hand, the art to this game is standard Marble Syrup, which is to say it’s magnificent. They’ve got their own little special hentai style that they’ve perfected over the years, and it never fails to get me hard. When you’re not in a smut scene, they’ll flash titties and asses in your face, bit by bit, just to get a bit of a drip going. Then, when you dive into the sexiest parts, suddenly it’s all giant breasts flopping around and pussy juices flying all over the place.

It’s hot, ok? And it doesn’t hurt that everything is polished in a special kind of shading that’s kind of unique to Marble Syrup. I am not an art expert, so I don’t know what this shit is called, but check out the screenshots, and you’ll see what I mean. See Erin’s face? Sorry, Erin is the purple-haired bitch; she’s your right-hand gal. Anyways, see how her face is shaded all-over the place? And by face, I, of course, mean cleavage, but you get the point. She looks hot. She’s even hotter when she’s sucking dick.

The Story

Again, we gotta talk about the goddamn 4th wall breaks, because all the story writing in this game is riddled with it. The developers are painfully aware of the fact that they’ve stagnated, and so they’re constantly taking the piss out of the player and themselves. In fact, they mostly make fun of themselves, now that I think about it. One of the first dialogue options in the game lets you whine about the fact that this game is not receiving updates on time, as promised. And this becomes a recurring theme throughout the gameplay. I guess they crammed it full of excuses for the last release, because they knew it would be a very long time before the next one.

Beyond that, the 4th wall breaks come back in the actual writing conventions that they used for this game. Instead of actual names, they’ll use descriptions. Like, the first village you visit in the game is called “Generic Fantasy Village Number 4”. That’s the kind of self-aware humor that gets me in knots. I’m sorry if it’s not your cup of tea, but you can’t tell me that walking into a castle and seeing it named “Fucking Shithole” isn’t absolutely hilarious.

There are quests in this game that you get to do, and they invariably end with Bron sticking his 7-incher down some girl’s throat. But, to get to those quests, you have to literally ask for quests. I’m not kidding. You walk up to a bunch of guards and ask them if they have any quests. They confirm that, indeed, they do, and they motion you to go forward. You enter, and you get a quest. This is all neatly written across the screen for you. I don’t know if this the game’s attempt to keep things light and breezy or if it literally thinks I’m braindead and need everything spelled out for me. Either way, the game made me feel exactly the same way as I felt when I was watching Deadpool. That’s a good feeling, I gotta say.

Honest and Fun

That headline, that’s how I’d describe Bron’s Quest in a nutshell. This right here is a porn game that’s loaded with hot sex scenes, peak humor, and a generally dismissive vibe to the developers who wrote the damn dialogue. It’s clear they’re mocking themselves and the fact that this game will probably never be fully finished, but it’s ok.

It’s perfect for what it is, and it’s available entirely for free in its current state, so why not grab a copy and enjoy yourself. I mean, I can pretty much guarantee several boners and several chuckles. Now, if you’d prefer this game, but with a bit less 4th wall breaking, check out the literal second to the last version. That one came out a while ago, before the developers started disappearing for long periods of time. That one’s a lot closer to a standard visual novel.

I am staying optimistic in hoping that Bron’s Quest will see a complete version someday, as it is the type of game that everyone deserves to play. It’s smutty, but not too perverted, it’s manly, but no so much that it turns women off. Everyone can enjoy this game, because overall it is covered in humor. Hell, I’d recommend that you play this game even after fapping, so that you unwind and have a good time. If I’m recommending that you play a porn game without popping a boner, you know it’s a good one.

As for the developers and the hope this game has of seeing the light of day, things are honestly not looking up. The last update came out over a year ago, and the most we’ve heard of the devs since have been “Thank you” posts on their Patreon. People are still pledging, so there’s clearly still hope, but this might just be the last version of Bron’s Quest we’re ever going to get.