The Mating Season

Are you stuck at home? Looking for new ways to contract the coronavirus even though you’re not allowed to gather in public anymore? Have you considered having sex with a turtle? I’m more than a little wary of the proposition, but that’s kind of the entire premise behind The Mating Season, a pornographic visual-novel-style game about April O’Neil getting fucked by all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Toilet paper may be going for $100 a roll in your neck of the woods right now, but you can engage in imaginary superhero reptile rape for the low, low price of nothing. The Mating Season is available as a free download for Windows, Mac, Linux, and Android, making it an ideal cartoon sex simulator for those long, lonely months you’re going to spend in self-isolation.

Interactive Cartoon Porn with the TMNT

If you’re a fan of cartoon porn games, there’s a good chance The Mating Season has been on your radar since it came out. It was created by Akabur, a NSFW game creator with a shit-ton of respect around the scene. This is the same guy who created Princess Trainer and Star Channel 34. He’s got almost 10,000 Twitter followers, and his own website gets around 60,000 visits a month. Needless to say, people love whacking off to his games.

I started the game and was slightly disappointed it didn’t greet me with the original Ninja Turtles theme song right from the jump. Thankfully, this was remedied the moment I clicked START GAME. A VHS tape is displayed, and you click on it to select the episode; after each stage, a new video tape appears on this screen.

The full, original cartoon intro plays you into the game. The grainy VHS effect is simple but done well, and will give you old fuckers a bit of nostalgia for the days of warbly old dubs and kicking your cousin in the face while screaming, “Cowabunga!”

The intro ends with a legit-looking episode title card, only this episode of the classic Saturday-morning toon has been written by Akabur. All I really know about the guy is that he’s a total pervert, so I immediately get the sense this ain’t going to be a typical fight with Shredder.

Jerking Off to the TV News

The gameplay in The Mating Season is fairly typical of the visual novel format. You’ll see characters on the screen and click through their dialog, occasionally making a choice about what to say or do. There aren’t a ton of branching storylines in this one, and you’re basically on rails with regards to how this plays out. April is going to get fucked by the Ninja Turtles one way or another. Well, I guess it’d be more accurate to say April is going to be fucked one way and another, and probably some other ways, too.

Donatello is up first. He tells her, “Michelangelo jerks off to your news reports!” April doesn’t take it too well, and feels even worse when Donnie admits they all stroke off while watching her on TV, even Splinter.

The setup is pretty fucking simple, but the presentation is polished as fuck. The art looks nice, crisp, and professional, and I’m eager to see it segue into the really dirty sex stuff. Considering the location, the turtles’ sewer lair, “really dirty” is definitely on the menu.

The music is also impressive as fuck. At first, I thought it was just some generic high-quality video game music they slapped in there, but a couple of minutes in, you’ll hear the familiar notes of the original TMNT song worked in. The attention to detail really helps immerse you in the story. If you take a couple of bong hits, you may well forget this isn’t actually an official Ninja Turtles cartoon, or that you aren’t really about to fuck the red-headed journalist.

Human Friends, Turtle Friends, and Forced Sex

“We are your friends!” Donatello tells April, who is pretty fucking overwhelmed by this point. “Sometimes we just fantasize about raping you, but we’d never actually do it!”

She’s more than a little shell-shocked by the revelation, so Donnie helps her get over to the couch to lay down. Can you see where this is going? Of course, you can. He puts her on her back with her legs spread. He doesn’t expose her twat yet, but your very first choice in the game is whether to start jerking off or to liberate her tits.

The screen goes black, and you hear a zipper noise. When the music comes back in, it’s a rocking variation of the Turtles theme song that reminds me of the arcade game. Electric guitars wheedle and squeal as Donatello finally lives out his April O’Neil fantasies.

These sex scenes are the meat of the game, in my opinion. The Mating Season is pretty fucking polished on so many levels, but these are the scenes you perverts are playing the game for. They’re fairly lengthy, too, and ramp up the perversion a bit with each episode.

The throw with Donnie is just the warm-up, but it gives you a solid taste of what you’re going to be fapping to through the rest of the game. Like the non-sex scenes, it’s a simple-as-fuck mechanic of simply clicking through the lines of dialog with an occasional choice along the way. If you’re tired of reading shit, hold down CTRL and SPACE to zoom right through it.

The art is really gorgeous, green wart-dicks aside, but the action isn’t really animated. In fact, you’re really just looking at slightly different variations of the same drawing throughout the whole thing. I was really hoping for different positions and artwork as I worked my way through the episodes, but none of the Turtles seem to want to flip her around and stick it in from the back.

One of the wrinkles of The Mating Season is that the sex ain’t exactly consensual. The #MeToo set would have a field day with this. April doesn’t always say “No” using that specific word, but she never really says “Yes”, either. In fact, she spends most of the game saying things like, “You should be ashamed of yourself!” and, “If you get any of that stuff on me, I’ll kill you!”

Can Turtles Cause COVID-19?

They say the coronavirus originally passed from bats to humans because people were eating those dirty flying rats. What goes unsaid is the inherent danger of having sex with any type of reptile. Neither multiple playthroughs of The Mating Season nor numerous Google searches turned up a goddamn thing about the risk of passing COVID-19 between turtles and people. Some might call this omission of information blatantly irresponsible. Given the popularity of The Mating Season, it is apparent that people really do want to get down with some sewer-dwelling, martial-arts practicing testudines.

It’s a documented fact that turtles are prolific carriers of salmonella and other bacteria, putting pet owners at risk if they don’t practice basic hygiene standards. The Mating Season not only eliminates the risk of salmonella entirely, it allows turtle fans to vicariously engage in significantly more risky behavior without putting their health on the line. Don’t become a test subject for a turtle’s ability to pass on the coronavirus!

The storyline is so minimal, and the gameplay is so basic that I’m worried about giving away too much. You’ll definitely unravel it all yourself if you play through the game. In all, you end up unlocking and playing through 6 VHS episodes of freaky forced turtle sex. None of these episodes address whether or not April sought testing for STDS, bacterial diseases, or the coronavirus.

Maybe it’s for the best that Akabur left the health fallout on the table somewhere. Perhaps your entire reason for playing The Mating Season is to forget about your lost wages or the fact that you’re now wiping your ass with your beloved comic book collection. It may be a short game, but the polished production values should help pull you out of your own miserable new existence, at least until you cum.

The Mating Season may be the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles porn game out there. It was created by a highly respected developer, and you can see why within minutes of starting the game. It’s very well done, from the gorgeous XXX cartoon artwork to the professional music design, letting TMNT fans get completely lost in a fucked-up fantasy of forced sex with April O’Neil. Some of you fuckers have had this fantasy for decades. Now’s your time to shine.