StripXPoker

It’s time for a classic. Strip poker has been a cultural staple since the very first caveman realized that gambling and naked chicks went together better than sabretooth meat and salt. Those were simpler times. Ever since the stone age, we’ve known that getting a girl to strip while also gambling your life savings away was the best way to keep entertained, that is, if you couldn’t get laid. But, losing money also sucks because you have to pay rent and sometimes even child support, if you’ve managed to fuck your life up. So, why not gamble away fictional money while watching chicks strip when you win?

That’s what StripXPoker is here for. This site might remind you of a ton of other similar gambling sites you’ve seen across the web. They’re not rare. They’ve been cropping up all over the place for years. StripXPoker is special in that you don’t actually have to spend a dime and you don’t play against other people, and you can keep coming back for more. This place reminds me more of classic strip poker games from the early 2000s than of actual gambling sites.

I remember back around 2004; someone gave me a Pocket PC as a gift. This was before mobile phones had big screens and the damn thing felt like it fell straight out of the future. It had a stylus and everything. Well, I immediately hopped on the web to see if there were any smut games available and sure enough, there were full-motion video strip poker games for the damn thing. I must have spent hours on that thing. It was glorious. StripXPoker takes me back to that simpler time when porn gaming was pure unbridled fun.

Choose Your Pussy

Much like how you get to choose your fighter in Mortal Kombat, StripXPoker lets you pick your favorite out of a variety of hot girls. These bitches are basically pornstars that work for the site and they’ve recorded a ton of scenes in advance. There’s no live strip poker here from what I can tell. But, if there were, that would probably mean that you’d have to share a girl with a bunch of other dudes as well as you bet against them, and that wouldn’t be nearly as relaxing. Remember, this site’s all about having fun, it’s not about competition. You’re supposed to take your time.

The girls are all quite hot. They’re not exactly 10s, but they’re hot enough to keep me entertained and that’s saying something. I also noticed that one of the girls appears on the list twice. At first, I thought this was a bug, but then I realized what they were really up to. They had her dress up in a completely different outfit, film completely different scenes and act out two unique characters. The idea is that you’re not just stripping the girl, but you’re also digging into a character that she’s playing. So, when you see the pirate character, you know that she’s going to be spouting random pirate talk while you’re playing.

Calling and Bluffing

The game itself is a standard 5-card draw. No Texas Hold Em here, unfortunately. But, that’s ok—poker’s poker. Besides, you’re not playing competitively, so it doesn’t make much of a difference. I prefer Texas Hold Em, but when playing against one other AI opponent, a five-card draw simplifies things quite a bit, especially if you’re in a hurry to win. The way the game works is very straightforward. You start a new match against a girl that you like and you get a certain amount of fake dollars to play with.

Naturally, the girl is trying to win all of your money away. If you hit zero dollars, you crap out and you have to start over or just flat out give up. However, there’s no downside to starting over, unless you count the fact that she’ll put all of her clothes back on. It’s an actual do-over. So, try not to over-bet. She’s an AI poker player, after all. It’s not like she can’t be outsmarted. Hedge your bets carefully and don’t even try to bluff. You can’t bluff a machine.

Stripping Her Down

The rules on StripXPoker are very similar to the rules of the old school strip poker games I mentioned earlier. When you win certain amounts of money, the girl on screen strips an item of clothing. They’re basically broken down into tiers. If you manage to take all of her money, you basically get her down to almost no clothing at all and that’s where the action starts. She’ll give you an enticing little dance that’s totally worth the effort and she’ll even play around a little, making you feel like all that time spent playing cards was worth it.

I really like the way that the scenes sort of flow smoothly into smuttier content, even if it is just a progressive strip. I’ve seen women strip before; it’s not particularly fun. It doesn’t compare to fooling around, let alone actual pussy fucking. But, they pepper all the stripping scenes with some hot, juicy dialogue. The girls all act as if you’re the best thing since sliced bread. They’re really happy to be taking their clothes off and that’s sort of what makes the entire game worth it. They’ll whisper sweet nothings; they’ll rub their bodies sensually. They’ll do everything they can to keep you hard throughout the gameplay.

Constantly Animated Titties

Here’s what makes StripXPoker and the game itself an absolute smash hit for me. While you play the game, the chick is constantly animated in front of you. She’s not a cartoon; she’s a proper recorded chick who’s done a bunch of different scenes, so she’s moving on your screen at all times. So, when you’re considering your next move, she’s sitting there, watching her cards, fidgeting around, playing with her nipples. It’s all in HD, too, so you can really enjoy staring at the girls.

Plus, every time you get past a certain tier, the game takes a short break while the girl tells you that you won that round and then she takes the next item of clothing off. It’s all very slow and sensual and the clips flow into each other seamlessly. It really does feel like you’re playing against a human woman, even though it’s all pre-recorded. And, because they had the time to edit these things properly, you actually get quality action. If this were live, she’d probably be all awkward and bored.

There is a bit of a downside, though, when she puts her clothes back on. I mean, I understand that when you get kicked back a tier, because you lost, she needs to put the same clothes back on. I get that. I also get the animation that you watch. But, check this out. If you keep winning and losing around the edge of a tier, you have to keep rewatching the part where she takes her bra off then puts it back on over and over again, without the ability to skip it. That can get very tedious, very fast.

A Ton of Fun

StripXPoker is not the kind of site you keep coming back to for a very long time, but it’s definitely one you’re going to get a lot of mileage out of the first time you discover it. The girls are young, talented and fucking gorgeous and the game is quite straightforward. It’s a bit of simple and innocent fun that’s done in such a high quality that you can’t not enjoy yourself.

Now, if they add new girls over time, that would mean that this site could be a real bookmark-worthy location. I don’t even want them to change the game at all; I think it’s perfect for what it is. I’d just enjoy seeing even more of the same.

As for the quality of the videos themselves, well, they’re pretty vanilla, but they’re still top of the line. There’s no penetration, no dicks in general and no lesbian action. It’s very much a one on one affair, just you and the girl. That’s sort of the point of the game, after all. You want to feel like she’s there for you, like you’re playing on the same bed with her.

Leaving the worst for last, because I don’t want to be a buzzkill, there is absolutely no pussy in this from what I could tell. That really pissed me off. Why the shit wouldn’t you strip the girl down until she’s completely naked? I don’t know why they went with this completely absurd decision, but there it is. The girls strip down to their panties and then sort of move around seductively. On the one hand, it’s really easy to fap to this shit. On the other hand, I demand to see some pussy.