TF Card Battle

Well, I’ve played Magic: The Gathering before, but I’ve never seen anything like this. Hello, boys and girls. Let me tell you a story about a card porn game that’s built around turning your opponent into a woman. That’s right, this game makes absolutely no sense, and that’s the main reason it works so well. I’ve played card porn games before, and they weren’t like this. For the most part, you just sent a bunch of bitches at other bitches. The bitches were your cards. They moaned, they laughed, they stroked their pussies and generally had a good time.

Well, you can throw all of that out the window. This game is professional. I’m guessing this is what it would look like if an actual CCG company set out to make a porn game and print it on paper. I don’t know how they’d go about sissifying you, but I’m sure they’d figure something out. Maybe to play the game, you’d have to have your dick in a guillotine that slowly pushes harder until it slices your cock clean off. Or perhaps they stuff you full of hormone pills while you play. I don’t know. The concept works better digitally, that much is clear.

A Text-Based Game, Sort Of

This game uses the same text game engine that you might have seen in Degrees of Lewdity. I like this engine because it’s fast and works entirely in-browser. There’s no other way to play the game. It’s tiny, it’s lightweight, and it runs on a smart-fridge, if you want it to. The game comes with a lot of story, if you play the story mode that is. There is the option to just experience a single encounter for fun, if you’re not looking for a commitment. The story is where the meat of the gameplay is, though, as far as I’m concerned.

It starts off with you being whisked away by some magic chick who kidnaps you and sticks you in a dark room. She explains what’s about to happen to you, as you sort of complain about how you want to be freed immediately. She isn’t having any of your whining, though. She explains that you’re going to fight for your life and your masculinity, against other competitors, in a card game. The better you do, the more your opponents will be turned into women, as the game progresses. You have a health bar in this game, which starts at zero. More specifically, it’s a TF bar. That stands for transformation. The more that number goes up, the more your tits grow, the smaller your penis gets, and the sluttier you become.

Sissified by Magic

If you manage to get your opponent’s TF bar high enough, they’ll turn into the perfect bimbo, but good luck with that. The game’s hard as nails. The general idea is that you’re throwing sexual tropes and genres at each other, and these have sissifying effects. So, you have cards like deepthroat, swallow, just-the-tip, etc. All of these have some sort of effects on the gameplay, though the most important cards are the most sexual ones. These are the cards that rack up the TF points. That’s their main purpose – finishing off the enemy.

I don’t think I’ve played any other game in which you are trying to sissify other people, while they try to do the same to you. The closest game I can think of is Trap Quest. In that game, the world and its inhabitants try to convert you into a whore, even if you start off as a dude. You slowly grow breasts, shrink your cock until it becomes a vagina, and enlarge your ass. Eventually, you become the perfect cock slave, but only if you suck at the game. You’re trying to resist those urges. The same thing with this game, except you can fight fire with fire.

Game Mechanics

The game is very complicated to get into, but piss simple once you get the hang of it. It’s definitely a unique card game. I haven’t seen these mechanics anywhere else. You have a handful of six cards from your deck, which is in itself very basic. You have a few cards that have special effects, but all the rest of them just give you intelligence. Intelligence is kind of like a type of mana in Magic: The Gathering. It’s a resource you use to buy cards.

So, the game starts out, and you have your six cards in your hand. Then, there’s also the buy pile which is placed in front of you, face up. You can see a bunch of powerful cards that need to be earned. You can buy as many of these as you want, but you have to produce the resources necessary to afford them. To do that, you have to play cards out of your hand. The resources stack up, and if you have enough of them, you can buy a card from the buy pile. Then, that card goes into your deck. You shuffle and draw again.

Building a Deck

The idea is that even though you own certain cards, you build your deck for that specific encounter as you play the match. At first, your deck will have barely any useful cards. Towards the beginning of every match, your deck only has some basic resource cards. The resources, which I can’t be bothered to remember properly, have the symbols of a heart, a brain, and a whip. I guess that’s something like lust, intelligence, and submission. Then, there are also defensive cards that negate damage from the next round.

It’s important to note that you don’t see what your opponent is doing. They’re just going to hit you when the next round starts, and you better make sure you hit harder, back. If you’re playing the campaign, which I think you should try, you’re allowed to pick two special cards that will always be in your deck. Then, there are also modifiers that you can gain like skill points every time you win. Beyond that, you’re pretty much starting from scratch, every time.

You can build your deck any way you want. Ideally, you want to get a bunch of cards that string together. So, let’s say, for instance, that you gather a bunch of intelligence-based cards that also have TF points and a few cards that let you draw an extra card, so your hand doesn’t go empty. A single round would look something like this. You gain intelligence, then play a card that lets you draw a card and increases the intelligence gain for this round. You play the rest of your cards netting a few more intelligence points, then hopefully draw again for more intelligence, until you have enough to buy a really expensive card from the buy pile that does a ton of TF damage. Next round, you pray that that card comes up, and you keep drawing until you get to it. You spam the shit out of that card until your opponent is down and out.

The Story Continues

I found the story to be the right amount of confusing and mysterious. Not much is known about the powerful mage woman who is forcing you to fight dude after dude in this absolutely difficult game. What are her motives? Why is she keeping you hostage? Who knows. What I do know is that if you die, you hear demonic voices before you die. Then, you get whisked away into another dimension, where your mind is broken, and your body is being ravaged by monsters, for all eternity. That’s some weird-ass dark magic shit.

I’d recommend this game to every single pervert out there who cares about collectible card games, especially if you like the ones that have deck building in them. The closest I’ve seen to this kind of gameplay in the non-smut world is Slay the Spire, and I love that game. I think it’s infinitely replayable. Now, TF Card Battle is no triple-A indie game, but the mechanics are solid.

All the cards feature photos from real-world pornstars in sexual situations of some sort. There are a few that are a bit more innocent, but the more powerful a card is, the more sexual the image on it will be. The entire damn thing is a joy to play, and the story is painfully immersive. Plus, you can save the game at any time, so if you screw yourself, you can just roll back time and try again. It’s the perfect porn deck-building game. Oh, and did I mention it’s completely free to play?