HDoom

Sometimes you just gotta review a classic, and that’s what we got on the table today, boys and girls. HDoom is a WAD. There’s a lot to unpack there. I’m going to guess that a lot of you are too young to remember the original Doom, but let me tell you, it was a life-changing video game. When this game first came out, and people got to shoot tons of alien baddies with a variety of different guns, it was a real goddamn treat. Up until then, we were mostly stuck in two dimensions. And yes, Doom is not really a 3D game by modern standards, but it felt more real than anything we had seen up until that point.

One thing that made Doom absolutely fantastic was how mod-friendly it was. The game is super easy to edit, because all of the sprites and levels are basically 2D textures that you can fuck around with any way you like. You could make damn near any type of game within this engine, and a lot of people have made a lot of renditions. Once you finish your game, you export a “wad” file, which is basically just a core gameplay file that contains all of the assets for your new mod. You fire up Doom with the appropriate wad, and you’ve got yourself a new game to enjoy.

Taking Doom into the Smut Realm

In the original Doom, you explore Mars and literal actual hell. These are tropical destinations that should appeal to a wide demographic and make for a satisfying and relaxing excursion. However, one place that Doom never really went to was the smut realm. Nothing about Doom was ever really sexy. It was mostly the kind of game that you play in order to see big baddies blow the fuck up in majestic gore infused blood explosions.

But, given how easy the game is to mod, it’s no wonder that some fucked up pervert out there made a smut game within the engine and appropriately named it HDoom. The H, I assume, stands for hentai. Now, wads let you make your own maps and adventures and even change things like sounds, weapons, characters, you name it. The guy that made HDoom was not trying to create a new game, per se. It’s still Doom with the same exact missions, but everything is sexy, or so they claim.

Slap a Titty On It

This guy’s understanding of sexy is that if it has a titty, you can wag your dick at it. I gotta say, I agree. I can pretty much beat off to anything that has breasts. In desperate moments, I could probably rub one off at a tree with particularly curvy branches. You just gotta find the right angle and pretend it’s a babe.

The game also comes with a bunch of modern assets that make it a bit more down to earth. It’s no longer a space romp murder spree; it’s more of a fuck spree with space babes. There are no more male enemies, but there are aliens. In fact, all of the aliens from the original game are still here, except, they’re female, they’re naked, and they’re ridiculously horny. It’s kind of like what happens to regular women when I walk into a room. Panties just start dropping, and it’s a fuck fest waiting to happen.

All of these alien babes are still enemies, and you still have to shoot them, and they still fall down dead, like in the original game. Except, in this game, all the animations are done in such a way that it’s basically sex. Yes, you shoot them with a gun, but they fall down in an orgasm. Everything makes them orgasm. This is helped a lot by the fact that instead of actual normal guns, you have sex guns. I’m serious. You fire dildos, pillows, and all kinds of other sexual paraphernalia at your enemies, and they fall down satisfied.

The Level Design

Doom had some of the worst level design in history, and I know that this is an extremely controversial opinion, but I could not give a shit. That game’s level design was like moving through a fucked up Tetris board in two dimensions. None of it made any sense, and you were basically stuck wandering a maze for hours. I can’t count the times I’ve gotten stuck while playing Doom, because once you clear out all the baddies in a certain zone, you have no idea where to go next. At least, when there are bad guys to be fought, you know that you haven’t been there before. But, once they’re dead, you’re officially lost. Where are you going to go? And why do all the walls look exactly the same?

Well, HDoom improves upon this shitty level design a lot, by simply focusing on the smut. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it works in practice. You see, if you’re making a game in which you want the player to feel immersed and also believe that he’s fucking a lot of demon bitches, it makes sense to pad out the levels with bedrooms and castles and all kinds of weird sex dungeons. That makes the levels a lot more memorable and easier to navigate. The warehouses of old are boring and repetitive, but I have never gotten lost in a bedroom. I know exactly how to navigate any bedroom. Trust me.

Fucking a Demon Whore

Shooting the babes dead does not end the party. That’s where the sexy part of this game starts. Yes, I too, was surprised to see that this game has actual sex scenes. I’ve never actually seen any other Doom wad include cinematics, but this one pulls it off, and it only uses the in-game models. They’re not videos; it’s literally your guy fucking the demon babes right on-screen as part of the gameplay.

And, here’s where it gets really interesting. I mentioned that when you fight the girls, they drop down in orgasm. Well, the neat thing about women is that they can orgasm over and over again. So, when you knock one into submission, she’s not dead or hurt. She’s super horny and very wet. She’s ready to take Doom guy’s cock. By the way, tiny segue, you still play as regular-ass Doom guy in this, along with the space marine suit, except you have a small hole around the crotch area through which you can whip out a 12-inch monster. I’m just saying.

So, you knock a bitch down with a dildo gun, and then you can mount her. You don’t have to, but why the fuck wouldn’t you? This is the part of the game where you should probably whip out your real monster dong or a 6-inch disappointment – your mileage may vary. You can jack off to these scenes all day long, especially since you get different scenes depending on the enemy that you mount.

Centaur looking demon wenches? You fuck them from behind. Regular two-legged demon babes? You can bend them over. Floating heads? Yes, you can fuck those too. They literally hoist themselves onto your cock headfirst, because how else would they do it? They don’t even have pussies, those pussies. The point of this game is that there is no such thing as an unfuckable babe. If she’s got a female body, or at the very least female lips, you got somewhere to shove it. You just have to use your imagination.

I really like that they used the in-game engine for these, because it adds to the immersion. The gameplay just keeps on flowing; you don’t have to start and stop over and over again. Now, some of you might be a bit annoyed at these scenes, not because they’re low quality or anything – they really max out the potential of what the Doom engine can get away with. The problem is that this engine is so fucking old that even on a new screen with the graphics cranked all the way up, you’re still jacking off to a blocky looking pussy. I mean, Japanese adult videos that are censored actually manage to show more pussy per pixel than this game, because there’s only so much resolution to the sprites.