VisitMama

Visit Mama! Oh yeah, we’re doing this again. Yet another porn game cataloguing site. Why do I bother reviewing every single one of these when they overlap at a factor of about 95%? For the remaining 5% of course. That and a lot of these tend to die over time, so we have to cover everything. You never know when your favorite porn game site might go down in flames. These sites barely make any money. Trust me, I know. I mean I didn’t ask, but how much money do you think the average porn game host makes if he lets you download all this shit for free and offers you reviews, links, screenshots and the like out of pocket? Yeah, not a lot of money in it, chief. If you want to make your own such porn game site, get a day job first. This ain’t a paying gig. 

That being said, VisitMama is a quality site in and of itself, regardless of the competition. It’s got a decent spread of porn games, and I know this because Lust Epidemic is featured on the front page. This is proof that the person behind the site knows what he or she is doing. I’ll assume it’s a dude, because… well, come on, be serious. Anyways, Lust Epidemic is a sign of quality porn game preference. That game pretty much cemented the 3DCG genre for me. Yes, I know that most of you prefer Milfy City. No, I don’t care. Milfy City is all smoke and mirrors. Lust Epidemic is finished and has two sequels. It’s the better game. Deal with it.

Finding the Right Fap Fuel

It all boils down to the actual curation provided by the dude running the site. Whoever is behind VisitMama knows what’s up. He’s doing what I would do – mixing new titles with old ones, unless otherwise requested. He’s doing a fantastic job. I like the idea of mixing the classics with the newer shit, because, let’s be honest, porn games rarely get finished. It’s always been like that. Back in the Flash game days we had it easier because at least then a finished game was expected to last five minutes, so the cutoff was easier. Nowadays, porn games last as much as regular PC games. Hell, some of them are even much longer. I’m looking at you Summertime Saga.

This just gives the developers extra opportunity to fuck it up along the way, especially when they bite off more than they can chew. I mean, if they tell you that the game is going to feature 80 hours of gameplay, but they’ve only done a 30-minute demo, you know that shit will never see the light of day. Or, it will release after you’re dead of blue ball disease. Anyways, none of this game development bullshit is hurting VisitMama. The site’s curator has made the very clever decision to actually show you the progress of the game before you’ve even navigated to the specific page. I’m down with this. Show me nothing but completed titles please.

Lit Categories

Do we still say lit? I can’t keep up. Listen, VisitMama has great categories. The finished games? Yeah, that’s a category. The unfinished games? Yeah, that’s also a category. There’s all kinds of tagging and sorting on here so that you can quickly find exactly what you’re looking for. I especially appreciate the “Fresh” category. I’d make that my fucking homepage if … people still used homepages. You know my browser auto-loads to the front page of Google? That’s hilarious to me because I never actually use the damn thing. Standards are shifting, I suppose. 

Where was I? Oh right, the categories. They’re dank, which means the same as lit, I think. I found some awesome new games on here that even I haven’t seen. To be fair, I haven’t played porn games in a couple weeks. I’ve been busy touching actual women – in the fun consensual way. I take breaks sometimes and every time I come back; I see new titles that have just come out. I think that porn game development has been on a steady rise for almost ten years now. It didn’t use to be like this, at least with proper full titles. I don’t count flash games, because half of them were jokes. This is the real deal – proper video games that you download to your PC, that load in full screen, with proper high-definition graphics. This is the real shit.

Most Porn Games are Easy to Run

It has to do with game engines and simplicity. The average porn game developer can’t be assed to make 3D models and rig them and animate them and plop them into Unity and debug the game until it’s actually playable. Everyone says Unity is easy to use, but that’s only relative to other engines that are a fucking nightmare to navigate. Most porn games are made in Ren’Py. That’s a drag and drop python engine that allows chronic masturbators to drop images onto a canvas, then write words on top and let you press a button in order to progress the story. Even the ones that aren’t trying to be visual novels are in fact visual novels with extra steps.

That doesn’t really hurt me much. I like the pseudo-visual novels that have been coming out as of late. Hell, Summertime Saga is technically a half visual novel. You talk to women and there are dialogue options. The fact that you get to move from one location to another doesn’t exactly make that game Super Mario. It’s still a visual novel, but with a bit more autonomy and an open world. It’s a great mid-ground, because devs can make amazing shit without having to sweat too much or hire a team.

Free Porn Games for Everyone

This whole easy to build approach is the main reason why porn game devs usually don’t sell their games. They release them for free then they ask for donations. This doesn’t include Japanese game dev studios that think that Bible Black is still worth paying for. We don’t talk about those. We just scroll past them.

Back to VisitMama. This place has a very casual layout that reserves like 90% of the screen for the actual game previews. They don’t gyp you much with fake screenshots either. What you see is usually what you get, unless the game has stylistic cover art. Most of the games I’m seeing here are 3DCGs, simply because that’s what’s popular right now and those all look the same, so it’s not like it matters what you get in the previews. Still, it’s nice to get to at least inspect some of the babes before you devote hours of your life to trying to bed them.

VisitMama Knocks it Out of the Park

 I’ve been visiting mama for a while now and every time I clock in, they’ve got new content for me. I love the shit they serve up and I especially love how simple it is to download the games they’ve got listed. Sure, they bounce you across one middle man link so they can make a cent or two, but this took me all of 3 seconds to get past and then I was downloading my game at lightning-fast speeds. I had to stop the download halfway, because I can’t physically fit any more porn on my computer, but you get the idea – this shit is amazing. 

They also go out of their way to have five or so different download links in case one of them goes down. Now, that’s futureproofing. Download links do indeed go down sometimes, especially when their host deems them worthless and outdated, so it’s good to see that you always have backups. Plus, you can always report a permanently dead game, to get the owner to upload new links. However, I have not found a single dead link on here, so bear that in mind. Someone is working really hard on keeping VisitMama going.

A Great Bookmark

If you’re a nerd under or over the age of 35 and you like women who may or may not have wet pussies, you will enjoy playing porn games, because chances are you can’t get laid to save your life. Don’t lie to me. I know the demo of the people that read these reviews. It’s ok. You have my emotional support. Here, take my hand. I’ll give you my non-masturbating hand, so it’s less gay. Hold my hand. Go to VisitMama. Download some amazing porn games. Then, use your other hand to jack your dick clean off to the interactive smut on this site. Don’t look at me while you do it. Please. It’ll ruin everything for the both of us.