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Let’s start by saying, ‘Congrats!’ you miserable, horny shitdogs have somehow made it all the way into this website to read all about this game in an article! Your insane thirst for all things lewd and fucked up porn are hard to satisfy. Because you are nothing more than a deprived neanderthal who seeks something online because he’s too inept to get it in real life, right?
So before we begin with the whole rundown and briefing of the game, we’ll have you answer prerequisite questions. Am I Horny? Am I in desperate need of lewdness? Am I an utter degenerate incapable of mustering the social courage to talk to someone of the opposite sex? Well, if you’ve answered yes to all those questions, this game is PERFECT for you.
‘SimBro’ is a simulation game where you are the manager of a brothel. Something your pea-brain could never hope to achieve. You hire characters to work in your brothel, keep their stats up, and settle your financial matters. I know, I know: “A 60 IQ mongrel like me can’t keep up with all of this information” is what you might be thinking, but let me tell you, it’s not that hard.
Superficially, It’s A Thinking Game
Alright, listen here fuckwit, this game was made to satisfy a niche market where people want to be the boss of women around them – a pipe dream in your case. SimBros was developed by a small team that had the hopes that your primitive caveman instincts can be satisfied, which was a nice thing for them to do, considering you are a literal caveman.
In SimBro, you can hire whores off the slums or off the bar, have them work for you by fucking strangers who can actually pay for sex – unlike you. Which is how brothels normally run, and you’re in charge of all of that. Not to mention, they can “work” for you, by you know, using their already loose and used vaginas. Doesn’t that sound fucking fantastic?
Don’t forget to hire thugs and like-minded people to protect your collection of whores and bimbos. You’ll need them to drive away from the occasional scammers who do come to visit your brothel. You have the choice of being a big shot when you’re picking up women if you have the stats, or you can just give them a load of money – again, something you can’t do IRL.
I did say it was a thinking game because you actually have to use more than two brain cells and an IQ higher than 70. You’ll need to level up your team of whores and thugs as well as yourself. Distribute skill points to boost your income, strengthen your characters if fights appear, charm the customers, and the loose-lipped sluts you’ll talk to and eventually hire.
As with any game you room-dwelling gremlins have played, it starts off at the main screen that emphasizes the ‘new game’ tab so you can start your modern city hustle. If you want to clear the game as fast as possible, then you can set the difficulty to easy (don’t be a sissy bitch). The game is filled with lots and lots of sex, which you’ll definitely love, you degenerate.
Just before you get to the creation screen, you’ll have three choices that will boost you as you start because the SimBro team probably thought you’re a little bitch boy that needs to be spoonfed and helped all the way through the game. You can choose between 3 stat points, 10 reputation points, or an extra $1000. You’ll also start with a $350000 debt because of reasons.
Like any good RPG game, you’ll have a character creation screen. You can choose between being male and female. Of course, we all know you want to be a female. To fulfill your lifetime fantasy of living as the opposite sex and quite literally, fucking anyone that turns up in your path. So in a sense, you’re allowed to suck at this game. If you play as a female, you can adjust your bust size, but as a male, your dick size will always be big, unlike what you have.
Once you’ve got all the creation done and out of the way, you’ll meet Alice, your first partner! Good for you, you miserable sack of shit. But you can’t do anything with her until you drop her dignity to 40 or below. Much like your own dignity. She’ll help you with the fight scenes and be your secretary. She is still entirely new to the brothel business, so treat her extra sweet, unlike what your friends do to you.
SimBro has 3 different aspects to it, like minigames within a game. There’s a dating sim where you’ll need to talk to, charm, and hire women. Turn-based fighting against thugs and the henchmen mobs that the debtors send to you. The managing game where you actually have to manage your brothel – customers, sex slaves, and the maids that cleanup. So you’ll have your hands full, literally.
The way you progress through the game is by filling up your brothel with rooms that you can choose to build. Service rooms where your sluts can do their slut thing, self-explanatory security rooms, a shower room where you can get bonus sex scenes because why not? Mix and match as you please because you’ll have the freedom in SimBro, we both know that you’re too much of a pussy to have that freedom in real life.
You start off at the central city, where your base of operations is. You’ll find a bar, a shop, the slums, a bank, and a hospital. In case you cabbage-brained idiots forgot, you can hire all of your workers in the bar and in the slums. Buy yourself and your whores’ costumes to improve their stats as well as yours, easy, right? Some articles of clothing sacrifice stats to compensate for the extra stat point that it may offer.
As your progress, you can unlock more parts of the city, and you’ll get more encounters. By encounters, we mean with the police. There are plenty of things that your peanut brain has to keep track of just to stay out of the red so you can keep running your whorehouse without any issues. Amongst the mess, you have to improve your’s and your crew’s stats as you all level up. They’re going to play a critical part in your gameplay.
You’ll get chance encounters later in the game if you’re doing things right. A big if! You dumbass, don’t get too excited. Where you can get more loans, a higher level slut, a tougher thug, and an encounter that would actually develop the plot. Making it a run-of-the-mill porn game with an adequate storyline. The game itself can be played using only one hand so you can watch cartoon figures online doing it while you watch and play with your pitiful self.
A small team has developed the game so you can’t expect really great graphics, but hey, a porn game is a porn game, am I right? You can bet both of your blue balls on the content of the game, though! By the 30th minute mark, you’ll be dry heaving because you’ve had nothing but sex galore – that’s if you’re admitting you’re just like any other horny imp that plays these kinds of games.
If you’re one of the ungrateful shits that still don’t like the game, then you might as well contribute to its development. Pull out a little generosity from your pathetic wallet and donate to the SimBro team. Who knows, you might become the main contributor to their growing collection of erotic games filled with your fantasies. The SimBro team is accepting support from all of their fans through Patreon, so it isn’t hard to find their website at all.
Though I haven’t reached the endgame, I quite actually enjoyed myself. No, don’t compare me to your pathetic, libido-fueled self. I played this game to get this article to you so you’ll know what to expect when you’re going to play the game. However, much like any other person trying their first porn game, I didn’t know what to expect, so every encounter that I had was quite good. The sex scenes are probably enough to fulfill your fetishes and sexual desires.
- Easily comprehensible instructions for nitwits like you and me.
- Plenty of cool game features, despite its low graphic quality.
- The gameplay doesn't hinder the storyline.
- A wide variety of harlots, prostitutes, and skanks to fuck
- Plenty of sex scenes and exposed titties
- Did I mention, lots of sex and titties?
- It's a quick fix to your drought.
- The clothes from shops give close to nothing in terms of stats
- It's hard to get a flow going
- Day-offs take too much of your reputation