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So uhm, it’s time for a bit of a weird review, I guess. Fap Queen is not your average porn game. Hell, it’s barely a game, but it’s not an animation either. It’s more of an immersive experience that doesn’t feature any gameplay. Sounds weird, I know. I’ll explain it. Have you ever watched a JOI video? That stands for jerk-off instruction, by the way.
You know, those videos that are rampant on porn tubes these days, in which a sexy lady who may or may not be naked tells you when to jack off and how quickly to do it? Well, I am not a huge fan of these, though I’ll admit I’ve tried a couple out. I usually just watch them when the bitch in question has sizable cans, and she’s very liberal about showing them off.
Still, a lot of people seem to love JOI videos, as a genre. I guess there’s something hot about being commandeered by a woman. I personally haven’t tried it, per se. I mean, I’ve had a woman in charge of jerking it, when she was jerking me off. I never really listened to a woman relay commands at me like we’re role-playing that we’re on board a fucking starship or some shit, and she needs my help in firing the lasers or whatever. That kind of second hand dicking around confuses me. I’m a simple man. I see tits; I jerk off. Anyways, this right here is a video game made exclusively for people who like being told how and when to jack off. Why? Who knows, but here it is. Let’s dive right in.
Choosing Your Destiny
This game starts you off with a bit more generosity than JOI videos, in that it lets you choose a few preferences before you get started with your jerking. First, you choose the length of the video. You have a choice between 10, 15, and 20 minutes of jerk time, with the added bonus of a random choice, if you would like to be surprised. Personally, I’m surprised that there’s no 5-minute option.
I mean, I’d suspect that if you’re the type of guy who likes being told when to cum and how, you’re probably a one-pump-chump. I don’t know why I hold this stereotype; I guess it’s just the idea of being told how to use my own tool that throws me off. I mean, it’s not demeaning or anything, it’s just kind of dumb.
My personal preferred length for this game was around 10 minutes, even though I normally jack off for at least 30 minutes a pop. I started off with the maximum of 20 and quickly realized that I need to revert and switch to the shortest experience. You see, the thing is, this game doesn’t really do much to keep you going. It tells you what to do, sure. It makes you edge very gradually towards a culminating finish, but there’s nothing particularly interesting to keep you entertained for 20 minutes.
Now, if you have two monitors, you could technically put this game on one and watch some porn on the other and try to sort of synchronize your action. Now, if you did that, then 20 minutes would be a great idea. Hell, you could even go for longer, if you had external entertainment.
Mixing it Up
You can also choose your preferred ending. You can cum or be denied, depending on your preference. This, I kind of understand, as if you’re into edging and being dominated by a virtual woman, you’re also probably into being punished. There’s no bigger punishment than being denied your right to cum, so it all works well. For this setting, I recommend the random end option, though, as it’ll come as a surprise, and not knowing what’s going to happen will keep you suspenseful.
Finally, you’ve got punishments, which can be skippable, mandatory, or set to none. Here I would again recommend that you go for the most suspenseful choice, which would be mandatory. I mean, if you’re not going to commit to the game fully, then why play it? The punishments are kind of interesting. You’ll be instructed to pinch your nipples or stroke faster or slower at inopportune moments. It’s all good fun.
There are three different chicks in this game that you can choose from, and they’re all really hot. The first one’s a standard blonde with a smirk on her face. She’s cute enough with a nice rack and sexy features. Then you’ve got a sort of pharaoh looking chick, whose entire shtick is that she’s making you her slave. Finally, you’ve got a BDSM looking dominatrix, and she’s probably my favorite of the three, mostly because she’s wearing the most attractive clothing. I mean, she’s got this sort of one piece with garters, and it’s all black leather. Plus, she’s holding a whip. Oh, and did I mention that she’s got actual demon wings and a tail? That all spells sexy in my book.
Unfortunately, you’ll have to make the most out of their outfits, as this game comes with absolutely no nudity. Now that’s a crying shame. These chicks aren’t exactly the best-drawn pussies I’ve seen in porn gaming, but they’re hot enough to get me going. It would have been awesome if they stripped as they gave you commands, but you’ll have no such luck. This game is going for a much subtler approach. That’s why I recommend that you have porn on another screen while you play it.
Let’s get into the meat of Fap Queen, the actual fapping. You’ve got a slider on the bottom of the screen that moves left to right and has little notches for you to fap to. It’s basically just a metronome for your strokes. You’re supposed to fap in the rhythm that the chick sets up for you. At the same time, she’s also talking to you via textual monologue. She’ll bark out orders at you, and you have to do what she says.
There are a few buttons on screen during these moments that you can use to inform her in case you fucked up. You can also use the buttons to beg for mercy. So, let’s say she says that you can’t cum yet, and you manage to bust a load all over your keyboard. Well, you can click the apology button to let her know you fucked up, which will just make her disappointed in you. You can also beg for mercy, which doesn’t really do much to help you. She’ll just keep punishing you like the dog you are. It’s a great experience.
Look, this is a great concept made by a great developer who knew what he was doing. He did a great job at giving you guys a very basic JOI simulator to get you started. If you couple this bad boy with some porn, it’ll work wonders for your strokes. Hell, even if you’re not into JOI videos, you’ll have fun playing this game alongside porn. Plus, it’s free, so it’s not like you’ve got anything to lose by trying it out.
The problems with the game become obvious when you try to play it without any porn on the side. It’s just not hot enough, and it really could have been. With some stripping to go with your jacking off, this game could be very satisfying. Plus, they could add a few more buttons to let you interact with the chick. I’m sure you’d be a lot more worried about following her instructions if she punishes you by putting her clothes back on. That would definitely get my attention.
Like, imagine that she loses an item of clothing every few minutes that you’ve been a good boy. But, if you fumble and start begging, she starts putting shit on and slowing you down. Imagine if she makes you work for the pussy. Hell, she could also be jacking off while barking instructions at you, and she could try to make you cum at the same time.
They could even take it further and have her cum over and over again, without letting you cum. Then, she could try to synchronize her final, biggest orgasm with your orgasm, and you could use the buttons to sort of line-up the action. I mean, it’s a video game. The sky’s the limit.
I don’t know what the future holds for Fap Queen. It’s a great game as it is, but I can’t get over how unaroused it left me. Maybe I have really high expectations of porn games now that I’ve reviewed a million of them, but I don’t think that’s the case. Asking to see a titty or two isn’t exactly overkill.
- Great concept
- Perfect for JOI lovers
- The chicks are hot
- Needs more features
- No nudity
- Low replay value